Archive for

Ba-bump Ba-bump Ba-Bump

Posted on February 28, 2007

Ok, so this is not a pregnancy announcement, nor is it a playful things that go bump in the night children’s joke. This is a quick flutter of my toe back into blogging babies…my heart is still beating though it feels as broken as can be. Honestly, I could write a 1000 words a day for as far into the future as I can see and I don’t think I could ever articulate how dearly I miss Grandpa. And as much as I depend on this writing, there are no entries that will ever write away the pain or the reality that he is gone. He loved this blog and sent me many 3-5 words exclamations. Funny how someone with a legacy built on…

+Read more

Categories: Mama Sap

Ok, back to living.

Posted on February 26, 2007

Big talk, not sure how long I can sustain it. I saw something yesterday and it opened a door. A chance to chase away a bit of the grief, a toe hold to begin the climb out of this hollow, this grim and cavernous world that is life without Grandpa. I should preface this by saying it is entirely possible that I am the only one who is able to find the laughter in this through the heavy layers of grief. But I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope that it gets through to a few of the people I know are suffering so many miles from here. So here goes. I was looking over a report of the ways that people arrive…

+Read more

Categories: Me

Mama

Posted on February 25, 2007

My Mama. It feels like the end of magic. It is morning now and I still cannot believe…Before I would have sat with you, held your hand and shared tears and laughter. We’d remember, but we’d also look ahead. Imagining his delight and hearing his exclaims at milestones yet to come. I am sorry for the miles and for the hurt, but most especially I am sorry he is gone. It has been too much to bear. John, Grandma and now Grandpa, Daddy. Sister, daughter, mother, wife, nurse. You’ve carried it all for these months and years, bending but never breaking. In some ways this dawn came as the final farewell, but if you listen in the distance you’ll hear it… peals of laughtersplashes…

+Read more

Categories: Love

For BDN

Posted on February 25, 2007

A Good Boy I woke before the morning, I was happy all the day, I never said an ugly word, but smiled and stuck to play. And now at last the sun is going down behind the wood, And I am very happy, for I know that I’ve been good. My bed is waiting cool and fresh, with linen smooth and fair, And I must off to sleepsin-by, and not forget my prayer. I know that, till to-morrow I shall see the sun arise, No ugly dream shall fright my mind, no ugly sight my eyes. But slumber hold me tightly till I waken in the dawn, And hear the thrushes singing in the lilacs round the lawn. Robert Louis Stevenson I shall remember…

+Read more

Categories: Mama Sap

Let it not be true, ever.

Posted on February 25, 2007

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,Silence the pianos and with muffled drumBring out the coffin, let the mourners come.Let aeroplanes circle moaning overheadScribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West,My working week and my Sunday rest,My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.For nothing now can ever come to any…

+Read more

Categories: Love