Hum the Jeopardy jingle
No plumber.
No Oprah.
No baby.
Ok, the plumber came, but he did nothing.
And, really, Oprah might've been by, but I'm not sure.
And the baby, well, let me tell you, she tried.
Is it weird that I don't want my baby coming out of an unshowered me?
My feet are unacceptable.
"Now just put your feet up here," they might say.
"No."
"Excuse me? Honey, put your feet up here," an emphatic clap on the stirrup.
"No."
"But it's time to push," incredulous.
"That's great, I haven't showered in two days, I haven't been wearing shoes and I have dry wall dust gummed up between my toes."
The plumber is coming at 8. I figure I'll take a sort of bus stop bath in the downstairs bathroom with the aid of a dish towel and Aveeno baby wash. I'll then drink several cups of supercharged coffee to make up for the dirt hued hot water I made with the 73 microscopic grounds of coffee that were sitting pathetically in the bottom of the canister this morning.
My hope is to make it through the day to see the completion of the upstairs bathroom, the breaking of Avery's fever, the return of my doctor and the gloriously timed commencement of labor.
Did I mention I truly believed each year that I was away at college that Ed McMahon would pull up to my apartment to make me the first normal looking person to ever win the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes? Seriously, I wouldn't leave all day.
We'll know if the Democratic nominee is Hillary or Barrack before I birth this child.
Labels: Me
posted by Amanda at
7:47 PM
17 Comments:
Ugh. I'm so sorry:(
April 21, 2008 11:54:00 PM PDT
Just keep socks on your feet. They'll NEVER know!
April 22, 2008 5:45:00 AM PDT
When I had our son last summer, I had been wearing Crocs for months. As a result, I had tan lines in the form of dots on my feet from the holes in my shoes. When I went to the delivery room, the nurse freaked out because she thought that I had some sort of crazy skin disease.
April 22, 2008 7:09:00 AM PDT
Maybe you should sign up for one of those birthing rooms with a bathtub!!
I love laundry & children's Crocs tan tale.
April 22, 2008 7:46:00 AM PDT
Oh I feel you on the showering before birthing thing. With both my kids, I stayed home while in labor until I was at least 7 cm. dilated. And in both cases, you could find me holding on to the bathroom wall, rocking through the contractions while squeezing in that last minute shower. I hear ya' sister. I even painted my toenails with the first one stopping during contractions. Isn't it funny how in the midst of the most amazing and painful moment of our lives, we still have time to be vain. Sheesh! I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR THAT YOU'VE GONE INTO LABOR! Please post when you do....if you can manage that is....no heroics here.
April 22, 2008 8:07:00 AM PDT
Can understand your thinking. A nice shower puts alot of things into perspective -- plus very relaxing. Hope you a chance to relax before the baby comes. Also, hope that fever breaks too!
April 22, 2008 9:05:00 AM PDT
the very last part of pregnancy is the hardest, huh?
and i still think ed m. is going to show up with some money every year.
April 22, 2008 9:47:00 AM PDT
I spent most of my labours weeping in the labour room showers, because I'm a wimp and I shower when I'm being a wimp.
Having no bathroom! Ick! Poor you!
April 22, 2008 11:22:00 AM PDT
ok, that is just NOT OK!!
April 22, 2008 1:04:00 PM PDT
Oh for crying out loud... What is up with Oprah? I thought for sure she'd come through for you!! You say the word and I'll boycott her forever!
April 22, 2008 1:40:00 PM PDT
SO not OK.
April 22, 2008 1:40:00 PM PDT
Yes... shower is a must. I mean, it's the first time you'll meet this little person, and all. But, I always wore socks, anyway. Stirrups are cold.
April 22, 2008 2:23:00 PM PDT
Oh man. You've got your hands full. No shower. Sick kiddo. I hope it is all reconciled in time for the grand entrance.
April 22, 2008 5:38:00 PM PDT
As soon as my water broke, I took a long hot shower. I shaved my legs and everything (well, everything I could reach), did my hair beautifully, and put lotion all over my legs and feet.
I hope you get the opportunity to do the same. If anything, go to the hospital early so you can take one!
April 22, 2008 5:52:00 PM PDT
Don't they *make* you wear those ugly brown booties with the rubber soles anymore? Please, hon, don't worry about your feet.
When you get there, tell them there is no way the baby is coming until you've had *at least* ten minutes alone with some ivory and hot water. They may not like it, but it's your birthing, dammit!!
My thoughts are with you . . .
And if you do go into labor, by no means should you feel the need to keep us, your gentle readers, up to date. I hereby give you permission to STOP blogging and just go and bring forth your newest little one.
Once it pops out and you've made a phone call or two, then you must blog . . .
Ha!
Brian
April 22, 2008 7:59:00 PM PDT
I showered while in labor - before going to the hospital - both times. I understand completely!
April 22, 2008 9:16:00 PM PDT
yo. what did i tell you? she's coming when she's coming. i really rushed my girl and she totally crapped my womb. don't give the little chicken anxiety! :)
April 23, 2008 11:53:00 AM PDT
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