Today I was tooling around the local community college campus doing research for a meeting we have next week and I was taken back to my smoking days. Bench after bench, female students were sitting cross-legged, a book perched on one knee, while they took long, slow drags off cigarettes. It looked so foolish to me sitting on the north side of my 30’s, for these vibrant young women to be engaging in an activity that has been so clearly demonstrated to kill. Taking health out of it, it also marginalizes beauty, cheapening one’s appearance, dulling hair, yellowing skin, deepening wrinkles and cloaking skin in malodorous layers of cigarette funk.
But I remember, god do I remember—such an emphatic and absolute disconnect between my smoking and the implications it carried. I didn’t care how much money I spent, didn’t consider the time it was taking off my life. I loved smoking. I am not ashamed to admit that I felt cool, most of the time, every once in a while reality nipped at me and I’d stamp out a smoke before I’d finished, kind of like running up the basement stairs and slamming the door to keep the monsters out. Most of the time I felt sexy. Tough. A maverick, snort. Seriously though, I saw it in their faces, unapologetic. It was sobering. Probably a classic I’m-35-now-epiphany. We just have so little time. I regret every cigarette I ever smoked.
But I have to say, I am an ex. It can be done. I am ashamed of my past, sorry I didn’t listen or acknowledge, but I am really proud to be able to say to that I came out on the other side, especially to people like Brian , a future ex.
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I was sitting watching the Sox game and a commercial came on for Become An Ex. It so perfectly pierced the quitting smoking “trigger” argument. As a smoker talking about quitting I used to say, “Not sure what I’ll do, driving and coffee are my two triggers. Can’t do either without smoking.”
Here’s hoping you can become an ex, too.
It's really hard for most people to become an ex. Some of us just keep trying till we're ex's for good.
Good post.
I am an ex too … I cannot imagine any other way to be now … especially with children!
Thanks. Emailed that to my husband…
Good post. I have a couple friends I need to forward this too. I never got into cigarettes, but I made up for it with a slew of other vices…
Another ex here. Coming up on 9 years. I quit before I got married mostly because I didn't want to be wishing for a cigarette when I could be enjoying my wedding and reception.
My brother finally quit a little over a year ago. His kids are so proud of him.
I just had my first of the day – at 9:20 p.m. I may have a second – around 10:15. Then a final one for the day right before bed.
I would love to be an ex. But at 3-per-day, I'm getting there. Eventually.
To the ex, the never, the ex-to-be and those who love a not-yet-ex, it ain't easy, but it's possible.
Thank you, Kat for commenting, and Chelle, way to go! Magpie, I hope it doesn't take many more tries. All Rileyd up, hope it helps. Heather, you rock! And Ree, I love ya.
Stamp 'em if you can.
It makes me feel all warm inside, knowing I have people like you pulling for me.
The Chantix is working. There isn't that "gotta have one – NOW!" craving. I've quit smoking at work completely. Don't smoke very much at home. Except for the one in the morning, with my coffee, before I head off to class. Driving and coffee. Man, can I relate.
I went from close to two packs per day to maybe one pack every three days. That's where I'm at now. And I find myself forgetting to smoke more and more each day.
It's an amazing feeling to know that I am in the thoughts of someone I've never met, who lives far away from me, and who is pulling for me anyway. Being the sentimental softie that I am, I'm sorta choked up . . .
I was always a "fake" smoker, doing it more to fit in than because I was addicted. That made it very easy to quit. My sister, however, smoked for real. And when she quit I was so very proud of her.
I don't really consider myself an ex. I consider myself a smoker – who does not smoke anymore. It's like an alcoholic – it only takes that first drink. If I picked up a cigarette tomorrow – it would be a pack a day in a couple weeks. Sometimes, believe it or not – it still smells good to me. A lit, fresh cigarette. I miss it. But I will never do it again.
I'm an ex, too. I think I might have shared this with you before? I have quit at least half a dozen times… most recently this time last year when I was preparing to get pregnant. I quit for each pregnancy and now that I will never get pregnant again, it worries me to start again because I don't have that perfect excuse to quit.
I miss it, though. I regret each cigarette, but I loved smoking. I don't intend to ever smoke again, but I'll always miss it a tiny bit.
I never did it and am happy for that. I just never saw the cool in it.
Good for you
Stikin' heaters.
Stinkin' Sox.
Good for you. I know that's a hard thing to do. Half of my family and many of my friends smoke, and it's hard to be an Ex.
It's hard for me to understand the whole thing because I've only ever been addicted to two things – milk and Nathan. Luckily so far these two things are considered healthy. Please Lord, don't let that change!
You go Girl for taking on this cause!
gawd I miss that damn habit.
me too.
Great post, as are they all.