“This is the hardest conversation I’ve had to have since 2003,” he said.
I set my notebook down as I realized what I’d been summoned to hear.
“It’s ok,” I said, though behind my bright smile, every part of me was howling, “Nooooo. Nooo, this isn’t happening!”
********
I am officially a statistic, a victim of the economy. My position is being eliminated. My health insurance is gone.
I have the option for Cobra, maybe even some federal plan for those that are laid off. I just don’t have what I’ve had anymore.
I know that we’ll be ok, but I know something else now too. When it is not your decision, when you have done your job, when you have to wait ten minutes for them to get to the point, to finally say, “It’s not you, it’s just, well, I really don’t want to, but I have no choice…” it kills. There is nothing to be done but to preserve dignity. It is an excruciating feeling, a kind of naked fear, shame and embarassment feeling and I know but a sliver of what some people do.
********
I deleted a post earlier. It was jumbled, unclear, like the pieces I was trying to sort. It’s later now. I took a walk with my family. Counted 1, 2, 3 for sister arm wrestling. Twisted braids and brushed teeth. Allowed myself to be hugged. I am still scared, still stinging, but a little less numb.
Maybe this is my chance to write my book.
Oh Amanda. I'm sorry. My husband was told he has to take a big pay cut today too. This economy stinks, no if ands or buts. Man I hope things turn around soon. It's getting really brutal for a lot of us.
We've been uninsured for years. When I'm up their giving speeches and adovcating for children's healthcare reform, I almost forget that I, too, am a statistic. I am uninsured.
I'm sorry you've joined our ranks, it shouldn't be this way.
We are looking down the same barrel. Last year, and this year, we paid $10,000 for health insurance and out-of-pocket copays.
Next year, if we don't get a job, we are looking at the same, plus an income reduction of $9,000. And I was just diagnosed with a chronic disease.
I am so sorry. I hope you do write that book. I will be first in line to buy a copy.
Oh man that SUCKS, I am so sorry. It won't last. You will make it to the next thing. A better thing. A great thing. Chin up. {{hug}}
This may not be what you'd expect to hear but I'm so happy for you! Except for the pesky insurance part, which I hope you can figure out sooner rather than later (Sean's work maybe?).
Spend this summer with your beautiful girls… make memories and yes, start that book.
Quitting my job (though the situation is slightly different than where you are finding yourself) has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Financially yes, it's tough. My Shawn has insurance so we're Ok there. But I can't explain the joyous anticipation I have to spending the first summer in FIVE years since I was a stay at home mom, with my boys. (and one more kid ~ because it helps make the ends meet).
It's going to be a good summer. š
Oy. Not fun, at all.
Oh, sweetheart! I'm so sorry!
Oh man, that bites. I know that yucky feeling from a job I had years ago. Thinking of you.
Oof, so sorry to hear that, Amanda. These things can often be an opportunity for something better. I hope that something better finds you. š
I'm with you. It will be okay–it has to be okay. That's what I tell myself anyway–this is a good thing. I just don't see it yet, but it is.
Oh no! Just remember that at some point down the road, it will make sense to you why this happened. Not much consolation in this moment, i know. Hang in there and hold onto those girls of yours. My thoughts are with you!
well, shit.
Ok, girl. Time to revive our wednesday tradition?
Amanda, I am an always-reader, but a seldom-commenter. I just wanted to pop in to offer my support. This economy sucks, so bad, for everyone! We're dreading my husband getting this same news anyday. I know you will land on your feet!
Oy. I'm sorry. I hope it all works out for the best, as much as it can. If it's what makes you write a book, then it has to be a good thing.
This may sound like a bunch of crap mumbo-jumbo, but.. it happened for a reason. Why? Who knows, but it was meant to happen. Maybe to appreciate your family. Maybe to write the book. Maybe to realise that life has its challenges. Who the f*ck knows. I know it stings, sweetheart. We've been there so many times. Hug your girls tight and start something new. Who knows what'll happen. Fierce fierce fierce hugs, my gorgeous friend.
Oof. That is hard. I'm sorry.
I am so sorry.
Sorry to hear this, Amanda. I am still laid off, and it's starting to suck. You and yours will be in my thoughts.
Sorry babe. If there is anything I'm certain of though, it's that you will make the sweetest lemonade from this bulk barrel of lemons.
Oh that SO sucks! And of course it's not you, but boy it's a blow to the self confidence. I remember hearing some radio personality saying they had been let go and even fired and they had only moved upward from there. Each time there was some opportunity in it, even if they couldn't see it at the time.
I hope that is what it is for you. An opportunity.
Amanda-
Enjoy the summer!! Think of this as a long ass vacation. Your posts here and at Tumble Dry clearly describe how much you value your family, appreciate your daughters, and wish to just stop time so you can enjoy them even more. It seems to me that you have been given that opportunity (I hope you are not thinking… yeah, this isn't happening to you…so shut the hell up!).
I know right now it sucks beyond belief; however, it may not be long before you are writing a post about how awesome this is.
You are amazing and you will continue to be amazing!
Kimberly
Damn it.
Just, damn it.
Oh honey.
{{hugs}}
Oh Amanda… that sucks. It just totally completely sucks.
Oh no. This economy sucks; I'm so sorry you're the latest victim.
I'm so very sorry. Truy, truly.
Oh, hugs for you. I've known that feeling a few times. It's a little bit like death. I hope something great will work out for you and your family.
Thinking of you. We're having a tough time here too, in the Trenches.
The uncertainty is the toughest.
(and YES ABSOLUTELY get on with that book!)
Geez, that's a cannonball in your lap, isn't it? It's really good that you decided to write about it, this is a reality that's part of the mess of our economy. These stories are hard to hear, but remind us how far we are from digging out of this mess.
I work free-lance, so I'm used to peaks and valleys of work. But I had absolutely no work for the first three months of this year. This was scary, but I made a very deliberate decision to use that newly found time for me, instead of spending it worrying or moaning (a historical precedent). The biggest enemy is fear and worry. The greatest aide is your creativity and how-to-sort-this-out-ism. (Something all moms have, big time.)
Have you read this blog? http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/
Go through her archives, she's got good stuff about getting jobs and losing jobs and what to do in between. Maybe it could inspire?
Bon courage. I'm sorry you have to endure this. But imagine, for a moment, that good things might come of it. How can you use this to your advantage? (My fingers crossed for you on the health insurance part..)
Take time for you… I am so sorry!
i am so, so sorry.
I am so sorry. But I promise to buy your book. And copies for my friends, too. When you write, especially about your girls, it is pure magic.