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Not really.

Posted on May 10, 2009

Today is Mother’s Day. I was searching for a way to encapsulate what that means, striking just the right chord to make people exclaim, “Oh that! Yes, that is it! Me too!” It’s funny, whenever you try to do something perfect you are almost certain to fail. Sure enough the keys stared back at me, “Well, you gonna type something?” they seemed to mock. The girls didn’t nap. The coffee didn’t satisfy. And the words, oh how the words wouldn’t come. I guess it really boils down to this— I think Mother’s Day is bogus. Don’t get me wrong, I think there are a lot of things I do that deserve recognition, but they don’t have a whole lot to do with mothering, maintaining…

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Categories: Me

Uh-bss, uh-bss, uh-bsst!

Posted on May 10, 2009

Note pads gather dust, the camera sits more than it flashes and the dates on my blog entries grow further and further apart. I suppose the stereotypes about first, middle and last babies are true in some respects, but this morning as I swayed with Finley in my arms I felt a different truth. I pressed my fingers into the dimples on her left elbow as she koala-beared on my chest, knees squeezing my sides, feet pushing against my back and fingers wrapped around my shoulders; a perfect embrace. She turned her face from one side to the other, burying her cheeks in my neck like a cool pillow in the middle of summer. Every so often she popped her head up and turned,…

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Categories: Mama Sap, Me

Go find an actress

Posted on May 8, 2009

Sean can tell the story better, but as he doggedly pursued me in the summer of ’99, taut abs rippling beneath a worn, white t-shirt, I spat something to the effect of, “Why don’t you go find yourself another crush, an apprentice or something.” At the Williamstown Theatre Festival many of the apprentices were indeed something, often in perky, little packages that made my not-so-tiny, not-so-perky self ever so insecure. This is not to disrespect those women at all, they were great. Seriously. I was just very taken aback by someone so easy on the eyes being so unabashedly into me. Fast forward 10 years and here we are, a little less taut, inexplicably perkier and together. Unabashedly. It took me a while, but…

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Categories: Me, Work

Lullabye

Posted on May 5, 2009

We were downstairs just after bedtime. I’d gone to take out my contacts and wash my face, meanwhile Avery had shuffled down the stairs and wiggled her way into Sean’s arms. They looked equally complicit and content and so, as I heard Finley start to cry, I left them with a smile. Closing the door softly behind me, I made my way upstairs, Finley’s cries ratcheting up with each stride. Half way up the stairs I heard Briar begin to warble a tune of her own making: Go to sleep, little Fin.Go to sleep so nicely and sweet,Little Fin, little Fin,Sleep so you sleep,Dream so you dream. I stopped and listened. Her voice quivered a bit as she started each line, but then would…

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Categories: Me

Fetishist*

Posted on May 1, 2009

I love bowls, bedding, camisoles… And, despite a current frustration with my reflection’s pronounced dark, under-eye circles, mirrors. The antique shop across the street, Poor Richard’s, makes me indescribably happy with the bits they put out on the sidewalk. A nod to Grace in Small Things, I give you “Unexpected joy in a sidewalk mirror.” Here’s to joy. *The title is a mischievous attempt to thwart unassuming fetish seekers. **Kidding, I think it’s a beautifully complex word, so I used it. ***Not that she ever intended it, but Slouchy has been keeping my fascination with language ignited with her words of the day. Thanks, Sarah.

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Categories: Me