It's Not a Competition
Ok, this is an assignment.
No, wait, maybe it's more of a request...
A plea?
A bewildered shot in the dark maybe.
What do you do when people insist on competing?
This is not about my family, our best friends, our partners or our co-workers, so exhale and read on ;)
Seriously, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation wherein people are measuring themselves against you and foisting this bit of information or that on you so as to assert some sort of dominance?
Do you lavish praise? Reassure them through your words that the focus is on them, that they are in fact the most amazing people of all? Because honestly, it exhausts me, I have what I want, am where I want to be and wish everyone well.
I know the answer is you suck it up and deal, just wondering what you've done.
Labels: Me
posted by Amanda at
11:38 AM
13 Comments:
I just try to ignore the people as best I can. If it's someone close to me - someone I can't just ignore completely because it would be too rude - I tend to just close my mind/emotions and shrug it off when they get that way. Like, my own mental ear-plugging, going, "La la la, I can't hear you!" :-P
I am so mature.
July 10, 2009 3:09:00 PM PDT
I have actually said "I feel like you feel that this is a competition. I don't feel competitive towards you, as a matter of fact I think you're great."
then I never bring it up again
July 10, 2009 7:37:00 PM PDT
I can't answer that really. I mean - it really depends on the person and if I actually like them or not even remotely! I tend to try to use humor to difuse some situations. "Hey is this a competition? Then I win!" "Okay, I thought it was funny." Smile and move on.
July 10, 2009 8:28:00 PM PDT
I think there are some people that are just ALWAYS competitive, no matter what.
Sometimes I just tell them what they want to hear "Wow! Your kid is a genius!" with just a touch of sarcasm. If that doesn't stop the bragging at least I feel a little better.
July 11, 2009 10:33:00 AM PDT
I take Heather's route. It makes me feel better about it. Heh, kind of like I win! (Joke.)
July 11, 2009 7:01:00 PM PDT
Yes, sucking it up and dealing is always a great option...I think we all cope this way quite often ;o)
However, in situations like the one you have described, I often focus on the other person. First of all, I am grateful it is not me who insists on interacting with others in this manner. Second, I also try to think about how shitty their life must be if they are putting energy into something like this. This is more about them than you, maybe try to figure out why they are feeling this way or nicely ask them directly.
And, when all else fails...sarcasm and the pocket finger work wonders!
Kimberly
July 11, 2009 9:06:00 PM PDT
I really try hard to not get involved in competition... I don't find myself in those situations too often ~ I think because I surround myself with non~competitive people, even subconsciously.
July 12, 2009 2:02:00 PM PDT
I really try hard to not get involved in competition... I don't find myself in those situations too often ~ I think because I surround myself with non~competitive people, even subconsciously.
July 12, 2009 2:02:00 PM PDT
I honestly don't think I have ever been in that situation. Knock wood.
I think I would just avoid the person. I hate the drama.
July 13, 2009 6:44:00 AM PDT
exhales - because as of late I've had The Ugly. It seems to come up around This Time Of The Month, you know, and it stems solely from insecurity.
So. My advice? Ignore Ignore Ignore. I know mine goes away (also, if I'm rational about it it isn't there at all) on its own when I start moving in to the next cycle.
Also: love the sarcasm idea. Because, "Yup, you pretty much rule the world end of story" works great, too. ;)
July 13, 2009 1:17:00 PM PDT
Here via Mrs. Flinger and pretty much agree with either ignoring, or making fun of really competitive people like, "I wish I could be as confident in your abilities as you are!"
July 13, 2009 3:22:00 PM PDT
Being a dude, I think I fall a bit easier into this trap.
I have "friends" who are working fine jobs and making big bucks, and I can't help but feeling a bit degraded or challenged when they bring up how great their lives are. Intentionally, perhaps they don't mean to be bragging, but that is how it often comes across. On the other side, I also have friends whose lives are in a deeper shitter than mine, and they "brag" about how tough things are for them, as if they are criticizing me for my status quo existence.
So there's all that.
And when conversations come up, I share joy and sorrow as best as I can and move on . . .
July 14, 2009 6:41:00 AM PDT
I do know those who are always competitive. Frankly, I have about all I can do to keep up with myself, my kids and grandkids, so I just don't worry about it. Lucky me? That way, I don't have to try to compete with anyone~
July 15, 2009 4:25:00 PM PDT
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