This July I will turn 40. I’m not afraid of it, I’m kind of fascinated by who I’ve become. As the girls are getting bigger and as each birthday puts more distance between my 20-something self and who I am now, I consider what almost was. What if I had stayed so completely insecure? I’ve often daydreamed about being able to speak to the people from back then, but honestly though, the person I’d most like to talk to is Amanda. We’d probably meet at the baseball fields at the community college; the fields are long since covered by campus expansion. I’d be smoking and probably looking deliberately disheveled, part of the lack of confidence back then manifested in a desire to preempt anyone saying…