I want so much to write something here, craft an assemblage of words that will move you. I long for the release and the subsequent fiery inspiration that come from the crackle of connection here. Some days I float around the internet, smiling at the familiar lyricism of certain friends, gasping with delight at new-to-me voices, and it lifts me, powering my fingers with breathless passion.
Not lately though, because I am tired. Run-down from managing the end-of-year details that all seem so counter intuitive and the gathering of cash in these not-ATM-friendly increments for the rat-a-tat barrage of field trips seems unmanageable. The dog continues his rampage of acting out, the cat is, well she’s a cat and that really says it all, right? When I get like this Sean tends to say, “The house is too small for us, you expect too much of yourself, and you just need to relax.”
I volley back, “If we could just stay organized…”
“Rest,” he says almost sternly.
“But—”
“Come on, Amanda, just slow down. Lighten up.”
“Why can’t you baby me?” I ask him.
“Because you won’t listen to me until I am talking like this.”
I sigh, petulant and chagrined, because he is right.
All of which is why on Sunday I found myself allowing the sun to land on my prone body, it wasn’t that I was “laying out,” rather I was allowing myself to be still long enough for a bit of sun to warm me. It wasn’t for long and I’m not 100%, but it helped.
Are you taking care of yourself?
How do you manage when you are run down?
Ahhh. The sun holds some magic powers, doesn’t it?
I often need to stop and breathe, in and out, in and out, in and out.
Hope you are feeling fueled today, my friend.
Bit by bit. Thank you, Shannon. Just did bedtime with extra stories and cuddles with contemplative discussions about what careers might be in the future—florist, babysitter…feeling warm.
Ah how healing the sun can be. I too have a challenge with “staying still and resting” but somehow the sun helps. A good book and the beach helps even more but we have to start with baby steps right? You’re lucky to have your husband to “demand” you relax!
It is so against the grain for me to be still and yet, it is so necessary. Yes, I am lucky, luckiest that he doesn’t go blind with eye rolling at my protests 😉
I step away from everything that is causing me stress.
Then yes, I go lie down and watch some mindless TV. 🙂
Getting some sunshine is ALWAYS good for the soul.
Here’s to sunshine and deep breaths!
I spent an hour in it today. Cleaning the yard, but still, deeply satisfying and replenishing. xo
Oh self care and husbands that know when we need it. Both so very necessary, yes?
I’m glad you placed yourself right into that sunshine. You deserve its warmth.
xo
Lately I have been fascinated with self care because I only do it when in sick or totally exhausted. I do think slowing down is key. Being gentle with ourselves . But I struggle because being gentle and getting things done require wildly different skill sets.
Something about turning 40 this year has taking care of myself on my mind a lot too. I spent a lot of the last 6+ years since my daughter was born doing things for the house/her/work/husband that there was then nothing left for me except resentment. So now, I make a deliberate effort to take time for me, AND, here’s the clincher, I do it guilt-free–if it’s in the middle of the day when I should/could be doing something “more important”, tough titties as my mother would say. It dawned on me this year that if I don’t take the time to take that run/read that book/write a story, who’s going to give it to me? No one. I have to take it. And so now I do. Not often, but enough to stay sane. So soak up those rays, mama!
Well said! I was thinking about this just today, and feel much the same. Someone asked me how I make time for myself, and for me it’s making mental space. Since I started doing this, my life doesn’t look much different, but it feels different. I’ve stopped judging myself, comparing myself to others, being bothered by others’ opinions. That’s my version of self-care! Also, “tough titties”…I love it.
I love that you took this time. May is hard. So very hard. xo
I’m so worn out right now, I honestly am too tired every day to think about how to recharge. School, work, very challenging small boy… worn out. Hoping summer and the ceasing of school stress (his at least) will help.
I am not taking care of myself and am having trouble remembering how to do that. I am usually the world’s greatest Self Care Cheerleader, but lately I’ve been flailing. What is it about May? Comforted, really, to know that I’m not the only one struggling. Even more comforted to know that you found a lifeline up and out. xoxo
So important to take breaks as needed– from work, from friends. I know it’s harder from family! (But I’ve been known to do that, too.)
I’m lousy at this. I walk outside. I lie in bed and read. I shut everybody out or, alternatively, I hug my dearest ones close. I wish I had a better answer. I know the feeling though, oh, oh so well. xox