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Use What Works, Discard the Rest

Posted on December 31, 2014

Growing up didn’t involve a lot of lectures for me. My mom gave me just enough structure that I knew where the boundaries were, but for the most part she said things like, “Listen to your insides. If it hurts…if you feel wrong…if they make you be someone else…” She gave me a good compass. What I didn’t know was how forcefully people would pressure me throughout my life to feel they way that they do—   to diet when they do to overindulge when they do to slack off, to stress out…you name it.   I thought I’d create a gentle space here. No challenges to create resolutions, no declarations that all of must do x, y, or z. Hopefully these are just…

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Reclaiming Control Meant Letting Go

Posted on December 29, 2014

Yesterday Sean and I began a top to bottom decluttering that lasted 4 hours and involved me bursting into body-wracking tears once, maybe twice. The girls were uncharacteristically compliant, alternating between quietly organizing corners of their rooms and working with heads touching to craft new LEGO structures. The kittens gleefully scampered through closets and under beds as we tossed things into donate, discuss, and delay piles.   It happens every December, I find myself pretzeled in frustration over our collective clutter, and I don’t just mean the things, I mean the ways. The breakneck, just-get-through-today approach we adopt out of necessity. Mornings of packing lunches, followed by afternoons of racing to Karate or sewing, and evenings of “You want to watch a show or do Seandry?” We frequently…

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Minecraft: Self-Reliance & Empathy

Posted on December 22, 2014

They were in the middle seat of the car; Finley was asleep in the row behind them. It was dark through the windows and snow was mixing with rain. Ave was playing Minecraft on her iPod, while Briar did the same on her phone. “Briar, can you make me a pyramid?” Avery asked quietly holding her iPod toward Briar. It was the tail end of a long day. We were all still exhausted from the monster loop we did trick-or-treating in  the neighborhood. We’d gotten up first thing and driven to Vermont to see friends in a production of Joseph. The girls had been champs, getting along in the backseat and playing very little of the “Are we there yet” game. “Not right now,…

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Before Bedtime Requests End; I Hope I Hear Them

Posted on December 16, 2014

Somehow I thought that in the years of chronicling the ups and downs of parenting, maybe a lesson or two would stick. Perhaps a bit of writing it down would offer up a moment of grace to keep me from utterly screwing things up because I’m in a bad mood. Mostly that doesn’t work,  the truth ends up being that as I tally board at the end of the night it comes in at a draw, the screw ups and wins in a dead heat. The other night I was looking through my iPhoto library and was sobered by the absence of photos of Briar. What happened? There’s Ave, there’s Fin, there’s another selfie. Do I not see her? Are pictures of her not as easily sharable…

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Can’t You See You Like I Do?

Posted on December 8, 2014

“Mama, you are so pretty in that shirt,” I turned to look at where the voice had come from and saw Briar. I had known it was her talking, but the words were so out of context with how I was feeling. Her lips were turned up in the sweetest little smile and her eyes danced, happy. “Thank you, sweet love,” I said smiling at her. My smile was genuine, my face calm, but my insides were racing. I’d gone through the morning bedraggled, stretched out pajama bottoms hanging from my frame, a t-shirt with just a tank top underneath, and my hair doing that 40-something, morning halo of kinks. The bags under my eyes taunt me, even after a night of more than…

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