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Young Guns

Posted on June 22, 2016

As we walked through the furniture store Finley lagged behind. I slowed my gait and listened for her, wanting to allow her the feeling of being able to go at her own pace, while also staying close enough that I didn’t lose her.   Sean and I were discussing chair colors when I saw her leaning against the wall, her lower lip was trembling. I walked over to her.   “What’s up, babe?”   She shook her head and bit her lip. I knelt down, “You ok?”   She shook her head. “What is it?”   “I was standing in the store and there was a bunny or a squirrel with a gun in its hand pointed at me,” she started to cry. We…

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On These Days

Posted on June 7, 2016

I read yesterday that a remedy for hurt and worry is gratitude, which isn’t to say that a prayer of thanks and a walk in the woods can fix anything, but it can take the edge off for a time. Yesterday’s post and the continued onslaught of rage and incredulity are wearing me down. I’m allowing myself to focus on these days, the moments of being utterly captivated by Finley’s infatuation with the wind through the window. Being reminded of the way the air carries scents and stories and just by closing our eyes we can be transported to another place and time. The moments in a marriage when in the face of overwhelming responsibility and the seeming futility and cursedness of a project, we melt. I can…

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Between Brock and a Hard Place

Posted on June 5, 2016

The other day I posted a photo of Briar and Finley on Instagram hugging it out, but what you didn’t see was the crumpled face of  Finley in tears of regret and the jutting chin of indignation and righteousness on Briar. Their emotions were justified, but absolutely counter to everything I want for my family. I did not give Fin a pass for being mean, I did not deny Briar her resentment. We all suffered through it and emerged on the other side.   One of the hardest things about parenting (I reserve the right to change my answer down the road because I know experiences change our views) is watching my kids suffer for the consequences of their actions. I do not believe that my job…

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