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Not Today Means Never*

Posted on July 31, 2016

I was pushing the cart absentmindedly, as I meandered through the store. My head wasn’t in it, hasn’t been in a lot lately. I think in the way trouble comes in threes, sometimes distractions come in clusters. A flurry of things that dizzy me into a rut of, “This sucks” and I let them. It wasn’t until I heard the boy shouting, “Mom, mom!” that I snapped into now. The mom turned, looking every bit as not-there as I felt. “What?” she asked in a weary and annoyed voice. He brandished a red and blue decorated package and held it overheard as he chirped, “Crepes!” His whole face was lit up and I wondered for a minute if the girls might like crepes. “For what?”…

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Borrowing Words and Worries

Posted on July 20, 2016

Someone once said not to borrow trouble. I’m not sure who it was, but the sentiment makes a lot of sense. I went searching for a quote tonight. I thought I could find a quote to create a tidy little post, not too heavy, and not too revealing, but the perfect amount of “I’m struggling” and “I am learning everyone is struggling” and “let it be.”  I’ve wanted to write for a few days, but responsibilities, mood, and timing kept me from doing so. Damned if I couldn’t find a single thing that didn’t seem lazy, trite, or just not right. The truth is, I am struggling, everyone has some sort of struggle or pain, and the best we can do is let it all be. No need…

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Too Fast to Track, Too Late to Hope?

Posted on July 8, 2016

Time is moving with little regard for my hopes or desires. The predictable chapters of dating, marriage, first house, first baby, jobs, deaths, second baby, then third baby blur, pages racing faster than I can read or write. I didn’t imagine time would slow, but maybe I thought I could catch up to it. I was going to sign my daughter up for dance, then it was too late. “Most girls are already beyond intermediate, she’ll never catch up.” I was going to create a plan for spring outings, but the season passed. I was going to make dates with my daughters, my husband; I was going to go back to pilates. I didn’t. I haven’t. Not sure that I will. I’ve gone from saying, “I promise”…

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