Posts from the “Mama Sap” Category

What Did You Want to Be?

Posted on February 7, 2019

Finley and I were walking across the Target parking lot the other night. The pavement was slick, and we weren’t in a hurry. We strolled, holding hands, and talking. “Mom, what did you want to be when you were my age?” I thought for a minute, “A writer.” She squeezed my hand and smiled, “You kind of do that now, right?” “Yes.” She looked up at me, “Do you ever wish you were a book writer and that you didn’t do all the other stuff you do?” “I’m not sure, maybe? I mean, I like what I do,” I said honestly. “Would you still have met Dad if you were a writer?” “That’s pretty doubtful. A lot of things have to happen, decisions and…

+Read more

Fighting the Urge to Battle Time

Posted on August 15, 2018

The other day we were out shoe shopping, and as I gave Avery back a shoe that the clerk had brought out for her, I said, “Growing up is hard.” She laughed at me and raised an eyebrow, something I’ve never learned to do. I smiled sheepishly, “Obviously you are old enough and capable of loosening the laces, I just feel like it’s still my job. It isn’t.” “You can always do that for me if you want,” she said. I smiled back at her. “I know. Sometimes I will, but tomorrow you fly to Italy, and a week after you get back you start 7th grade. I need to grow up some.” She pulled herself over on the bench and squeezed me. I…

+Read more

Time Breaks & Starts Over

Posted on April 18, 2018

“Promise we’ll have another fort at the next house?” the girls asked. It was 2010 and we were moving to fit our growing family. Two years before we’d built a play structure for them, adapting it mid-way through as, the then-toddler, Avery broke her leg and needed larger stairs. “Sure, we’ll build another one,” we said. The girls gave the fort a fond farewell and whispered that they hoped the next family would enjoy it. The new house had a deep wooded lot and we decided to build the structure into the ring of trees. It took a lot of tinkering and reconfiguring as we anchored 4x4s into pine trees. “It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be safe.” The girls…

+Read more

Ariana Grande and Growing Up

Posted on May 24, 2017

Sean is the playlist guy around here, followed quickly by Briar and then Ave. I enjoy the detail that I wouldn’t manage on my own, except it has started to hit me that music makes things more enjoyable. When I start the coffee pot I say to Alexa, “Alexa, play music for us,” more often than not she responds with, “Here’s a station you might like: Ariana Grande.” The first time she did it I laughed out loud. The girls weren’t with me and it seemed preposterous that she would be my music of choice, except the thing is I enjoy it. When the girls came down they start snaking between the counter and me to grab things, dancing along the way. They sing…

+Read more

Rooted in the land of torn

Posted on March 21, 2017

It seems that there is an inevitable counterweight to pressure, when things at work begin to move quickly, requiring more focus and time, the details at home get trickier. I suppose I signed on for this, I knew that being a mom and being a business owner would multiply the number of things and people who are my responsibility. What I did not understand was that the peace I make with sacrifice and compromise would not be one and done, I go through it over and over again. “I’ve got this.” “I am failing.” “I can’t do this.” “I have to do this.” “What have I done?” “Why do I do this?”I read the words of other women on both sides of this, I read…

+Read more

%d bloggers like this: