Briar woke up at 1:25am. Screaming. Standing in her crib, grasping the rails and just screaming. My eyes felt like they were being slashed with razor blades. You’d think I’d get used to the middle of the night cries and they’d stop hurting so much. But no, it was like I was back in week four of her life and it felt as if I was enduring prolonged sleep deprivation at the hands of a capricious and malevolent creature. Not to say that I don’t and haven’t always adored Briar, but those early months take you to the brink of insanity with the sleepless nights.

I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach, remembering those razor blades…

Yep. I slept with my contacts in. Great.

Sean had warned me last night that today was going to be a dreary, rainy day. If you don’t wear glasses then you probably can’t appreciate how much it sucks to wear them on a rainy day. It really stinks. Add to that the fact that Briar prefers me in contacts, meaning she pulls my glasses off my face every chance she gets.

Itchy, scratchy, burning eyes all day, behind glasses with rain drop smudges I’ll never be able to get clean.

I have to slip something in between my gripes. Briar was a doll this morning. Sean hopped in the shower and I stayed in bed with Briar. She stretched an arm out and traced her little fingers on my cheek and neck. Probably the sweetest sensation in the world! She and I had a lovely morning, sharing a banana and a bagel. She had a little more trouble with her part of the bagel than I did with mine, ending up with cream cheese smeared across her nose and under her eyes like a little football player.

I took her to Dot’s this morning and to my guilty delight she did not jump into Dot’s arms and ignore me. I thought after a week she might have missed the routine of Nanny’s. After a very satisfying bit of separation anxiety (it’s not that I enjoy her distress, I just love her reaching for me – a working mom issue I am sure) I returned to my front door shenanigans, jumping and flailing my arms about while making crazy sounds to get her to smile and giggle as I walk to the car.

Mondays suck. Dropping off your kid with someone else sucks. Rainy days kinda suck too.


my grandfather reminded me of something the other day:

I have a beautiful, healthy, brilliant daughter.
I am in love with my husband, and he with me.
I have a beautiful home, 2 dogs and working vehicles.
I am pregnant with a younger brother or sister for Briar.
Sean’s business is going gangbusters.
I like my job and my co-workers.
I am healthy (with the exception of some fierce round the clock “morning” sickness).

Life is pretty ok after all.