It’s early Saturday night. Sean is burping Avery, Briar is upstairs asleep and we are planning to head up to bed by nine to just read until we pass out. It’s been an exhausting few weeks. Avery is such a sweet little baby. She has really slipped into life here as seamlessly as can be. She rolled with the punches as Briar worked it out and has really just blended in. She sleeps through the night more often than not, though on the three nights that she hasn’t slept through, she has done so (or not done so as the case may be) with great gusto. Last night was one of the three sleepless nights. Seems to be an issue of gas and discomfort. I am playing that incredibly fun game of,

“Figuring out what the hell mom is eating to cause her helpless child such distress”

Common culprits: Dairy, Nuts, Wheat, Sugar and anything that might be fun, tasty or helpful during times of sleep deprivation.

Yeah for me. Kind of like being pregnant all over again.


No, it may be upsetting the baby’s digestive system.

Cheese on your burger?

No thanks, need to see if dairy is what’s hurting Avery.


Uh uh, can’t do wheat.

Want something to drink?

Sure, how about a…no…or a…ah, not that either…I’ll take a…ooof. Water please.

We’ll get it figured out.

Getting to know Avery is different than getting to know Briar. Same house, different time of year. I know so much more. Nursing for example has been so much different. Avery knew what to do the moment she was put on my chest. We have slipped right into a wonderful rhythm and we are able to nurse in public…corner of Glen and Ridge in the Baby Bjorn. Damn straight. We’re good. No pain, no soreness and fairly easy night time feedings.

Back Again, it’s been a few days since I started this entry.
Tough to find long stretches of uninterrupted time. Not that I am complaining- I have to admit to loving hearing, “Mommy. Mama. Maw-Muhhhh!” coming from Briar, or needing to feed Avery. Cherished responsibilities.

So, it’s just Avery and me. We just washed her hair over the sink. Both girls love pampering -Briar is a sucker for foot and leg rubs from me, or a hair brushing from her Dad. Avery loves the cups of warm water that I pour over her little head, her eyes relax to half mast as I massage her head. She moves her face into the washcloth or my fingers as I lather the face soap on her. I have fantasies about trips we’ll take, sometimes the 3 of us, sometimes 1 on 1 while the other does something with Sean, and getting little spa treatments.

I’ve noticed something about Avery and I don’t know if it’s because she is our second baby, or if it’s just who she is. Avery is pretty shrewd, even funny with her crying jags sometimes. She’ll look up at me, crinkle her face up and let loose with a fast, hard couple of cries and then as quickly as she began she’ll stop, open her eyes, look up at me and then wail one more little time and go silent. She looks at me with a smile just under the surface and relaxes. It’s almost like she is saying,
“Ok. I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention, plus I was a little bored.”

She really watches us. Her eyes are such a deep indigo color (mermaid indigo I have called it, much to Sean’s…annoyance? No, that’s too harsh. He jokes that I am color blind and though he reaps the rewards of my creativity on a nearly daily basis, he often mocks it.) Anyway, those eyes travel the room, taking everything in. She definitely has a different life than Briar did. When we brought Briar home time kind of stood still- Sean was still working his tail off, but there was still plenty of sort of just sitting and staring at the baby. Avery’s entrance into life at 118 came with briar at her most active stage yet- if she’s not running, she’s climbing, if she’s not climbing she is asking to be spun, if she’s not doing that…you get the idea. Trampoline has been at maximum velocity, the house has been on the market, and on and on.

The last couple of days ( another few days have passed since I began this ) have actually been incredible. Avery and I have been able to bond- lots of walks with the baby Bjorn, cuddle and coo sessions while Briar is at Nanny’s, and the sweet nose to nose time before she falls asleep. Seems silly to say, or rather, seems like we should have known, but she is so different from Briar. I think this realization has hit us both with the force of a locomotive as we realize that we have a whole new person to absolutely lose our hearts to. All the parents of more than one child told us we’d be amazed by how much our capacity to love would grow. I think we thought we knew what they were saying, but now, as we return the gaze of her impossibly deep, dark blue eyes, as we kiss her dark hair, feel her silky skin against our, we are beginning to feel the exquisite ache of falling madly in love with Avery.