Let me start by saying that I woke up this morning, a work from home morning, and decided to add earrings and a necklace to my standard jeans and fitted long sleeve shirt uniform. The necklace is six strands of silver loops, strong enough for toddlers and infant to hang on/from, yet delicate and sprakly enough to make me feel pretty. The earrings are a bright green stone that for the life of me I cannot remember the name. Bright, accented with silver, and simply stunning against the eggplant of my shirt. Bear with me, I am getting to something.

I took a quick run with Ella, our dog, to the grocery store to pick up name tags and tights for my event tomorrow. The name tags, of which they had none, were to be for attendees, the tights were for me. Just before leaving I did the requisite check of the teeth for whatever, the hair for errant bits of toddler snack, and the front of my top for another whatever. Everything checked out and I appreciated the little oomph from the jewelry. I buzzed through in record tim to prevent Ella from fogging up the inside of the car. A quick scan of the check outs led me to an express lane of 12 items or less. There was a woman ahead of me in what I guess you’d call a canvas duster. Under said duster was some sort of mohair or chenille sweater in a shade of pink reminiscent of old cotton candy. The woman’s hair was, if this is possible, both permed and crimped and was the exact shade of yellow as Janice’s, the closed eye guitar player from the Muppets. She had on the kind of loafers my grandmother used to wear that I have always associated with people with abnormally small feet and a life focus on church and salads not involving lettuce. As I unloaded my 5 items I heard the checker say,”Oh my gosh. I love your earrings.” My head immediately popped up and a smile spread across my face as I tossed my hair over my shoulder so she could see the green stone…maybe she’d know the name. The “thank you” was just about to pass my lips when Pinky McDuster spoke up and said, “Thank you” tossing her brittle locks aside so everyone could see her earrings, her purple rhinestone hoop earrings. Hoops the size of english muffins. I literally did a double take. Who knew? A duster and rhinestones.

As the woman left I thought that surely I’d get a little something. Maybe a “Cute necklace” or a “Ooh, what stone is that?” I tucked my hair behind my ears and gave one of those “I am so sweet and kind to anyone I meet. I bake casseroles and pickle things. I floss daily and believe in unicorns” kind of smiles. But nothing. I got absolutely nothing. One big, “Will that be debit or credit?”