Our life, taken through out of context snippets, may just be the best way to deter house guests* really let you taste what life is like here in the kingdom of dog hair, diapers and high maintenance cats…what’s that? We only have one cat? You could have fooled me.

I want Donald’s beans cock.

Daddy, eat Ariel.

I just can’t get over how big sausage is out here.

Ooh, Mama I see a fag. Grandma, look a fag.

Omens Mama, give Briar poo omens.

Get the spoon out of her butt.

Crap, crap. Make a big crap Mama.

And now, at Sean’s behest context and translations. I suppose if one of the lines read:

Ride Mickey hard, Mama.

I too, would demand context and translation. So, here you are:

I would like to watch Donald and the Beanstalk.

Daddy, eat one of these delicious Princess fruit chews in the shape of Ariel.

We were speaking about the popularity of rye bread on the East Coast and how I am not a huge fan having not grown up with it. My mom then commented on how popular sausage seems to be out here.

Oooh, Mama I see the flag that is visible from our window every day. Grandma, look a flag. Do you know how exciting it is seeing this flag? I mean I haven’t exclaimed over it since just this morning, and before that I’ve only screamed about it every time I’ve seen that flag since they hung it in June.

Vitamins Mama, give Briar Winnie the Pooh vitamins.

Briar was trying to “take the potty” out of the dog’s bottom with a teaspoon.

As we played with Play Dough and Briar realized that I don’t stink as much at molding as I do drawing. Crab, crab. Make a big crab Mama.

*Not a slam about my mom’s recent visit. Lord knows I’ll have to pay her to come back after the hell on earth torture of “Kindness is important” at full volume and on repeat.