This is a post dedicated to not one, not two, but three radiant, insightful, and beloved expectant mommy bloggers. I’d be willing to bet they are getting a “helpful” earful every time they go to the pharmacy or grocery store leave the house. Something about pregnancy and weddings brings out the asshole authority in everyone. They are throwing a party over here. My little way of participating is responding to a request for the best advice and assvice I received while pregnant.

As always, a slight mandification. I didn’t get a single piece of bad advice, rather I had a series of awful encounters with people wanting to talk about my pregnancy. They seemed to come in types. There was the:

Weight Bully
“How much do you weigh?”
“What did you weigh before you got pregnant?”
“Yeah, but exactly how much weight have you gained?”
“Hmm, are you dieting? Not good for the baby, you know.”

You’ll Grow to Hate Them
“Enjoy it, once they’re out they’re hateful.”
“Beh, babies. Your marriage’ll end.”
“Wait til you find out how needy they are.”

Your Days of Being Attractive Are Over
“Hope you liked having a waist.”
“Good thing you waited, you got to look good for a while.”
“Enjoy the kids, dads stray.”
“Get ready, your tits’ll tap your knees and your lips’ll flap away.”
Trust me, I was as shocked when she said it as you are reading it.

“My daughter miscarried at this stage. Just poof, it died.”
“That lunch meat could kill your baby.”
“You drink coffee? Don’t you want a healthy..?”
“Are you pregnant? My baby died inside of me. Didn’t get to your stage.”
“You really shouldn’t wear things like that, it isn’t appropriate when you’re pregnant.”

Luckily I had some wonderful advice given to me by strangers and family alike:

Don’t worry. The worrying will kill you. Just live every minute.

Trust your instinct.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Talk to them like people.

Get over the 6 week hump and breastfeeding will get easier.


To each of the moms we are celebrating, I wish you health, happiness and unexpected windfalls that allow you precious time with your angels unencumbered by money woes.