I’ve been a bad blogger, staying away from the keyboard, or worse, approaching it and laying the laptop gently in my lap, my fingers poised dramatically and then…nothing. My well has been dry for some time now as I float between a toddler on the verge of becoming a girl, a baby sprinting toward kid status and the bump in my belly tugging and cramping.
Do I share how I fear Avery will soon turn away from my breast, but then throws me for a bittersweet loop as she suckles and pulls me toward her, pudgy fingers clasping the back of my neck and a silky cheek pressed against mine?
Do I tell you that Briar is pulling herself onto the potty herself, that she is saying things like, “I don’t think so, but thank you anyway, mom,”?
Do I spill my fears about the baby growing inside me? Do I finally talk about the midwife telling me that they had found two sacs, but that one was “looking like nothing more than a blood clot,”?
I don’t know where to begin, and some days I feel like something ended without me. I’ve not raced to pour my heart out, yet it is all still here, my love of words and of sharing. My connection to strangers who have become friends. Outside of my relationships I have simply never loved something as my much as I do this place, this blog of mine, and the depths within me that it has allowed me to reach and know intimately.
And then came an email, a comment on this blog:
Now I am tagging you…sorry.
7 random things about yourself.
It was from the Sexy Housewife, a user name I love for its blatant refusal to give in to the mommy apathy of high waisted jeans and schlumpy tops and the idea of getting to stay home and focus on being a mom and a wife. I’m hanging in there by refusing to give in to elastic waist pants and anything from Christopher and Banks and by making sure that Sean and the girls come first, no matter what.
But back to the tag, I don’t think I can articulate my gratitude for the lifeline that this tag has provided. I can no longer avoid posting, can no longer shrug my shoulders and say, “I can’t, there’s just nothing there.” So for that, I am oh so grateful for this tag. And, in the spirit of bloggers everywhere who are afraid to assign something as potentially tedious as a tag on someone else, I would invite anyone suffering a similar blogging malaise to email me at briars_mama at yahoo dot com and I can officially tag you and perhaps help you out of the cavernous place you’ve become stuck.
And now, 7 random things about me:
1. I find Gordon Ramsey of Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares fame to be irresistible. I am not a fan of reality tv, but Gordon, well from Gordon, I simply cannot turn away.
2. My kryptonite is open-mouth chewing, when the smacking of tongue on roof of mouth becomes involved it is as close to torture as I could ever imagine.
3. I would be happy to live on cheese, granola bars and nuts. Forever, with the occasional addition of banana peppers and Greek Isle pita chips.
4. I am incapable of washing my face without soaking the entire counter, no matter the size of the sink.
5. I am usually very modest, but I think I kick ass in a meeting situation, speaking my mind, neutralizing (or creating, if the occasion calls for it) tension and finding a way to communicate a message to gain consensus and excitement.
6. Since we moved into our house in 2003 we have lived out of hampers. Our 115 year old house has pygmy closets and we have no dressers. It is an endless source of consternation and yet despite an ability to solve just about any problem, Sean and I are continually on our knees in defeat with regard to the insane, unmanageable nature of our clothing situation.
7. We do not eat food from drive thrus. Ever.
There you have it. May this be the first of many posts.
I'm with you on two, four and six. Nice to see you again. Welcome back. 🙂
I nearly choked on my diet pepsi when I read about the 'two sacs!' Does that mean what I think it means? I dare not write it.
PS I am a little OCD when it comes to clothes and closets and HSN (yes – the Home Shopping Network, don't knock it 'til you try it) has a product called Huggable Hangers. THEY ROCK! They come in a multitude of colors – especially fun ones for the girls. They are thin and coated in a velvety texture so clothes don't fall off. Check them out!
I am soooooo glad you're okay – I was a bit worried…..Yay!
Now, don't stay away so long next time, or I'm going to make you check in with me, personally, daily!
Yes, may this be the first of many….and Sexy Housewife? Thank you for making my friend come back out!
Kristy, it does. I couldn't find the words, but it has certainly contibuted to the silence.
Was missing you. Stay healthy and well, okay?
No jubilant Red Sox post?! Those were some late nights for you, pregnant mama!
It's always great to read what you write, whenever you write.
And I make a big watery mess when I wash my face too. Maybe it's because we both have broad shoulders.
I too have been exploring what my blog means to me. As for inspiration, well…maybe you need a crazier family. (See said blog.)
Your blog (and we rabid readers of it) will be here when you're ready, greedily lapping up any and all you care to give us. No pressure, though.
P.S. We definitely share #4.
Good to hear you again. Is it strange that I wonder where bloggers are when they are absent for awhile and think of emailing them to see if they are okay? I fear it might indicate an unhealthy level of addiction. So I didn't. Email, that is. (But I wanted to.)
Sorry about the news from the midwife, sometimes there are no words.
We have a similar closet problem. Hailey doesn't even have one, because she essentially sleeps in a broom closet. She doesn't seem to mind.
That's great you don't do drive thrus. I wish I could say the same.
Glad to see you back.
I'm sorry to hear what your midwife said. My God comfort you.
And I so find Hell's Kitchen irresistible too.
Here via the Randomizer! 🙂 This post rocked!
First, I want to tell you your in my prayers with your pregnancy – and the joys of having little people turning into big ones, soo fast – I do to and it's soo hard! 🙂
I look forward to reading more!
OH my gosh: open-mouth chewing. How many times have I told my monsters to close their mouths? More than I care to count.
Amanda – without overstepping (I hope) it sounds like maybe you are having some feelings of loss – and if that's the case, it's totally legit and yet you will have lots of hope and joy as well.
As for random – yes #4 and I will never know why.
Thanks for playing along and I am so glad I could pull your blog back from the brink, LOL!
I have to say, I love the drive through…food, coffee, pharmacy, bank…I hate getting out of my car.
I told my son tonight…"Chew with your mouth closed!" I remember taking my niece to McDonald's once and she chomped the whole time. Drove me nuts but I was afraid to say anything.
Glad to see you again! Missing pregnant women do tend to make the worry hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
Open mouth chewing is BAD! You'd love one of the women I work with who makes 'mouth noises' all day long, sucking on her teeth, smacking her lips and cluck clucking with her tongue. Annoying!!! Oh – and lots of loud nummy noises when she eats. Arg-g-g-h-h-h.
here's to many more
just spill it, sister. any way you want to.
and i totally dig that you can master the room. (while avoiding drive thrus) you rock.
glad you are back.
I depend on your blog. Every Day. Twice.
Bring it on. Whatever you have to say. Just bring it.