Me: I’ll take a grande coffee light frappaccino.
Him: Uhhhh…(long silence while his fingers draw big air circles over the register in search of the right button). What flavor?
Him: (More air signaling and searching) What size?
Him: (Pained look followed by what was almost drooling, then a grunt and then this:) Kind?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: Kind? (Louder than the first time)
Then the other barrista came over and said, “What is gonna be for huh?”
Him: The light base.
Her hand made wide, looping circles over the cups and then she glared at him.
Him: The coffee one.
She glared at him.
Her: Kind, not flavor.
Silence followed. Ten minutes later they handed me a frozen drink that looked for all the world to be ejaculating whip cream.
Sean walked over, “Whip cream?”
Me: Don’t get me started.
I searched for a napkin as whip cream continued to spill out of the cup and cover my hands.
Tell me they don’t look like Starbucks workers.
He looked at them, taking in the sloppy aprons over mismatched wrinkled shirts and the continued confusion of the guy at the register. Sean smiled, amused at how my treat had gone so predictably wrong and how uncharacteristically disdainful I was being.
Me: Imagine if I were really a bitch!
(Flicking copious amounts of whip cream down the tiny waste hole in the counter, I spat in the haughtiest most shameful voice:)
Those two! Those two were like airport Starbucks employees.
"Like airport Starbucks employees."
Best metaphor ever.
is Wink gonna have to choke a barrista?
awww! my three favorite people have commented right above me. it feels like a lurve fest.
seriously? you can't let these people play you. i own my starbucks and woe to the crew member who screws up my drink.
(and btw, i have to give props to the ATL starbucks barista who gave me a free nonfat, no foam latte when i was so weary and failed to realize they were closed.)
Didn't some describe the third ring of hell this way?
Let me have a crack at them with my bitchy-ass self.
Ejaculating whip cream.
That really left no doubt in my mind as to how the finished beverage looked. Well done.
Oh, and my word verification for this comment?
Now I'm kind of skeeved out.
Wow ~ this story makes me glad I am not a coffee drinker (though I do love Starbucks' hot chai latte).
Why oh why did they have to adapt a foreign language and force us all to play along. Even their own employees can't master the pseudo-Italian. I refuse, refuse to order that way, and insist on ordering 'mediums' and ask for 'coffee milk shakes' when they really want me to say words like 'Grande' and 'Frappucino, it hurts to even type those words. It's all so contrived.
You should try ordering a black coffee. Completely flummoxes them. It's great. I feel like Dennis Leary – I want a coffee flavoured coffee. No frappacino, mochacino, whatthehellacino, just gimme a large, black coffee. They sit there, stuttering. "No foam? No whipped cream? I don't think I can handle that…." It's the Starbucks equivalent of the blue screen of death.
Damn! I just spent my last four bucks on a Skinny! Served to me by a very neat yuppy. Something STRANGE is going on over there! Better than a post office Starbucks employee though!
Don't these people know not to toy with people in need of caffeine? That should be in their employee training manuals.
AHHH! Other people make me INSANE. Competence runs rampant.
Dont get me started on stoopid Starbucks employees. Dont. Even. I could go on for days.