I have been complimented for being a dreamer, been confided to that my ability to believe and have hope are enviable. I pride myself on approaching the way I parent my girls and treat my marriage as passionately as I would the pursuit of a dream, because that’s what they both are to me. Politically I have cooled, I used to be much more vocal and ardent, whether it was about freedom of choice or funding of the arts and things like Headstart.
These days I beat my chest only when talking about organic foods and flexible schedules. I am more inclined to be less bold with my opinions, partly because I am a liberal living in a conservative region, a registered democrat in a seriously red region of New York State, but more so because I haven’t felt the breathless need to illuminate a cause or laud a human being. The spark has not been so quick to ignite, except in isolated instances, as I have encountered the odd person with integrity and that ineffable quality that makes you believe that they emerged unscathed by the all-too-common foibles of people in power.
I remember the lightness of being as I discovered just such a person. Suddenly I was outspoken on the street, less hesitant in conversation.
“He’s the real deal.”
“Ha! They’ll see!”
“Change can happen.”
“They aren’t all conniving bastards.”
And when I met his wife, I was awestruck. She was the whole package. Incredibly articulate, passionate, questing and, not that it matters, a knock-out. They have three daughters and I’d be lying if I didn’t imagine Sean and I being like them, perhaps not on a Governor of the state level, but certainly on a crusading for what was important within the circles we could influence.
Today, I sit with a broken heart. The illusion of a man of conviction, integrity and hope gone and in its place another blur in the grand collage of fallen heroes and corrupt leaders. A man who gave in to the tawdry allure of the forbidden.
Oh, Eliot, you cad.
Does the heady scent of power carry with it such a dense cloud of invincibility and daring that you would throw away an entire life for cheap sex?
I cannot fathom wagering everything I had on a young, taut stud. Would it be that gratifying? Are the forty five seconds of pulsing ecstasy worth risking it all?
Forget your wife, forget your daughters, forget the entire state to whom you pledged to do your best–
New York State Governor, Eliot Spitzer
What about your life? Your own soul? What about each tomorrow?
Was it the tricking us that you got off on Eliot?
I cannot help but shake my head, a fierce lump in my throat as bilious pockets of anger threaten to spew forth.
Why did you have to kill my hope, Eliot? I believed in you. We all did.