We have a cabinet with a glass door, the top has curved lines, and the sides are embellished with old spindles painted in the same blue.. It’s blue with a sweet little hinge that clasps the door. Inside are three shelves with books passed down to me from my grandparents. There is Frost, Lorca, Auden, Whitman, Cummings, and Neruda. The cabinet smells of my grandparents. A gentle swing of the door and I can feel the velvet of their sofa cushions, can hear the creak of the Calhoun steps and the whooshing of the tide on the shore in San Juan. I feel the rustle of their newsletters and correspondence from Central America and Europe around me. I still recall the day we bought it from a shop…
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I’d bought the tutu months before, long pink sleeves, layer upon layer of tulle with a bodice of tiny pink bows. When Briar saw the new pink tutu she nearly wept from the beauty of it. “Honey, it’s for Ave,” I said gently. “But mama, I love it. Did you get me a pink one?” She asked hopefully. “No, sweetie. You have a pink tutu that fits you and a lot of other dress up things. Ave needed a new dancing outfit.” We went round and round, until Briar’s face, drawn with longing finally, turned from the tutu. “Let’s go dress up Ave, I can’t wait to see you in it.” Ave jumped up, “Ok, Bri, yet’s go!” I smiled as they scampered off…
Categories: Mama Sap
Briar: Mom, I’m so sorry that I took a cookie from the plate that time. (Easily 6 months ago) Briar: Mom, I am so, so sorry that I cleaned the tv. (1 month ago, with a wipe, after explicit directions not to clean it) Briar: Mom, I promise never to clean the tv the fireplace or talk about your body like that again. Avery: Mom, I promise that I not gonna plug out the vacuum ever again, ya know dat? (Total BS, she cannot control herself.) Briar: I was thoughting about eating the egg, but I didn’t ’cause it wasn’t cooked and you said it’ll make me sick. Is that ok, that I was just thoughting but not doing? Me: That’s right, there not…
Categories: Mama Sap
I decided that I should put naptime to good use, unfortunately I just came up with a bunch of questions. Why does the shower curtain liner always fold in on itself and get bitty mold spots no matter how diligently I spray it with cleaner, scrub and dry it? What is the clear sticky substance that always glues down anything I put on the second shelf of the fridge? Do I have stress induced bald patches in my eyebrows or do I suck at plucking? Does the Garnier under-eye, silver ball thing I bought actually make a difference or do I just feel better for having tried something? Does a 3rd cup of coffee make me weak? Does Fin have any idea how much…
Categories: Me
Sean had the car this morning and his day was stacked like a Dr. Seuss illustration— deadlines upon deadlines, projects intersecting projects. “Want me to pick Briar up with the stroller? I asked. It was the right thing to do, but in all honesty I had no desire. I knew I’d be going unshowered in less than ideal weather conditions. Not going would almost certainly mean another night with him gone and both of us frazzled to nubbins. I cringed as I waited. “Sure, that’s great,” he said not giving it second thought. I spent no time ruing having made the offer or resenting his decision. I spent a lot of time earlier in my life being upset about things, stewing. I have a…