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You’ll Never Know

Posted on July 9, 2009

We were swaying to the lullabye, our reflection keeping time in the hazy mirror. I watched us, her hand on my arm sliding to and fro, her face drawn in a lazy smile, an expression of utter contentment on both our faces. I imagined her standing beside me, long limbs and taut muscles electric with ability and a life thick with things that have nothing to do with me. I squeeze her as I crane my face into press against her cheek. Remember this baby, hold this squeeze for later. She smiles and points, “Bay-bee. Uh bay-bee a mama!” I grin and point back. I step closer to the mirror and sharpen our reflection, my attempt to fill more of this sliver in time.…

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On second thought

Posted on July 5, 2009

Found myself getting my overly-sensitive nose bent out of joint over things beyond my control. Again. Does it amaze anyone else how we fall into self-defeating ruts, whether it’s not working out, falling behind on chores or getting sucked into the vortex of giving a rip about who likes you and who takes you back to the meanies in fifth grade? I’m too old for this. I’m a parent, aren’t we supposed to be beyond this people? I have a handle on eating right, at least keeping complete pigstyness at bay and of practicing what I preach, but man alive the relationship dynamics get me. Morose, blue, self-pitying and impotently pissed, that was me this morning. Gross. Enter iPhoto, Fin and Sean. Salvation. So…

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Independence Way

Posted on July 5, 2009

It was a glorious, if occasionally blustery, day spent celebrating the fourth of July with our Pownal pals. I felt bad for the ponies as the Newfies effortlessly dwarfed them. The sound system was creative and mobile. The hammock and impossibly lush surroundings made the day seem magazine perfect. The wind was straight from the Kansas to Oz opener. Fin embodied the way we all felt about the day. Thanks to Deb, Rui and Harold for delighting us once again!

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Four-titude

Posted on July 2, 2009

Briar. My first and, as it turns out, a veritable emotional echo. I’m not saying she is not her own person, but withering look and dramatic gasp alive, this child has my most annoying quirks. We are in what I can only believe is a preparatory stage, flexing muscles and building scar tissue to prepare us for what will surely be a lively number of years of push and pull and scream and gasp. I am at once amazed and exasperated by her growing attitudes, whether it’s the militant adherence to rules, the know-it-all snobbery or the desperate depth of emotion. I try to honor, acknowledge and accept each one, but I fear I may be becoming toxic for the “likes” and the sighs.…

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You Meaning

Posted on July 1, 2009

I find myself chronicling time from when Fin joined our family, really from the positive home pregnancy test. I suppose it has to do with that being the most recent milestone, but I imagine it being more because it was when the ribbon of our family met at each end. Our magnificent bow, complete with frills and knots and new whispers of color. Lately our soundtrack, already pealing with laughter, exclaims and stampeding feet, has been peppered with a raspy new element. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said each hour brought new sounds, words. I’ve been listening, amazed by the explosiveness of it and finding myself more witness than participant. A few days ago I decided to engage, responding, sometimes with my best…

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