It’s been five days. The first day I rested. The second day I reeled. The third day I dipped my toe into a new normal. The fourth day I crumbled. Today I am in a struggle between what I want, what I know and what my body says through unexpected dizzy spells, shortness of breath and unprecedented fatigue.

I want to have the grace to be thankful for the way things turned out, but the truth is grace falls to the wayside with three kids. There are questions to answer, scrapes to kiss and things to do on the floor, on your side, upside down and beneath three bodies.
I want to be there. In it.
I am realizing that I am, even though it doesn’t feel like it.

There is a pirate’s cure on an imaginary boat with a pirate’s cap.

Princess dreams atop layers of pink with smatterings of sparkles and cuddles.

I don’t like the naps, resent the sedentary orders and want to be doing, doing doing. Just when I feel as if I have missed something, I am reminded the only thing that I’ve missed is that they are willing to wait.

That I am worth waiting for.

That I am ever so lucky to be in this embrace.

Now is for living.