I’m five and heading off to Harris Elementary School to meet Miss. Thompson.
I’m eleven and figuring out what separation and divorce really mean.
I’m thirteen and poring over Seventeen Magazine, devouring how Jennifer Connelly, fresh off Labyrinth, is mixing plaid and tweed.
I’m fifteen with butterflies thinking this is the year I’ll stop being awkward.
I’m eighteen and leaving for Spain.
It never fails, when autumn blows that first, faint kiss at late summer, my knees go weak, my heart opens wide and I am reminded of how this transition always pulses in a way others don’t. My delight in the first snowfall is sweet, as is my relief when the ice finally melts. Spying the first crocus is exciting, but it’s only with fall that the air crackles.
Barely a month from now Avery will head off to kindergarten, she is actively pushing away from me when I say things, contradicting, correcting or begrudgingly admitting that, “Maybe we’re both a little right.” Briar is chirping about “best friends” and wondering about life as a sibling on the school yard. Finley will got back to the pre-school, but she’ll do it without diapers or a sister.
I feel a calmness, simliar to labor, knowing that what is ahead will come regardless of how I respond. Easing into the waves, whispers though they still are, is the only way to be more a part of the newness than the death. We’ve passed a winter, spring and summer to arrive at this crossroads and it is with utter equanimity that I reflect upon what they’ve held and the preparedness with which they launch us into the season ahead.
No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace
As I have seen in one autumnal face.
Ack! I’m not ready to think about fall!
(But this is lovely.)
Oh, my word … I think you know how I relate to this, how this transition crackles. Love the labor analogy. For me, this turning of time hurts like that, too. xox
i feel the same introspective and nostalgic way about autumn. plus my birthday falls within the season, although my birthday doesn’t seem to mean the same thing as it did in my teenage years!
i was one of the weird kids that did look forward to the new school year, even if that excitement ended after the first day! i can’t imagine how it feels to have your children go off to school for the first time…frightening? hopeful?
and as for seventeen magazine…boy did i forget about those days!
What slouchy said – I’m still holding on to summer!
And every year I think it might finally be the year I stop being awkward… Hasn’t happened yet. 🙂
Wow, took my breath away again. I loved how you nailed all the nostalgic ways about the season. I get like that too sometimes,…a smell, a saying or an old reunion.
Jennifer Connelly’s plaid and tweed combo – I totally remember that…and was always disappointed that my back to school clothes never measured up to that look in the September issue of Seventeen!
I have always thought of August and the start of school as the beginning of a new year – even when I wasn’t in school or didn’t have kids in school. Love this post!
“knowing that what is ahead will come regardless of how I respond.”
Today I woke up and both of my children seem to have grown eons overnight. They are ready for the next adventure, and so am I.
Oh, that was so lovely and you quoted my favorite poet. I love the promises of fall, even though, down here in Texas, we don’t really see its signs until November. We sure could use it in this heat, but this reminds me that nothing lasts forever.
Oh, you guys! These comments. I love the ripples and echos of sentiment. May we all have one day this autumn of pulling off an outfit like Jennifer Connelly 😉
“Autumn crackles”. Oh my oh yes it does. Gorgeous.
With each hint of fall, my cells dance and jump. (And Jennifer Connelly….yup. Totally remember. Now we’ve moved onto O Magazine and Real Simple.
This was beautiful. xo
When it comes to new beginnings and milestones, transitions and vibrant olfactory memories, it’s autumn for me, too. But man, doesn’t it come around faster every year?
september first should be the first of the year.
Meetings are indispensable once you don’t want to do just about anything.
Concise explaination Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.