I’ve been thinking lately, chalk it up to withered vines and unexpected new blooms. I turned 38 last month and, not that the age 38 is any great shakes, I’ve realized some things. Life isn’t what it seems, or rather, our potential isn’t what it seems. It’s easy to get caught up in people preconceiving what we can or can’t do, or protesting that time, money or circumstance make something other than exceptional the only possibility. I am realizing, trite as it may sound, that every day is a chance to break free from the rut, succeed beyond expectations or means.
When you persist and believe more in the rightness of the path that you are on, rather than some perception of what you are capable of or where you belong and how you should act, than you transcend aspirational boundaries. Does that sound like too much bull sh*t? Here’s the thing, I am coming off of a call that reinforces the designs I have on making a change. I won’t go into the specifics, other than to say I entered into a conversation with someone who had not done her homework, I had. When I clarified, she attacked. I won’t call the 30 minutes a waste of my time, I’ll call them a reminder of the capacity I have for good.
This was a person who endeavored to make me feel less than, but when all was said and done, she made me more than ever who I am. I let my candor be my power. When the 30 minutes I gave her on my Sunday were over, I orchestrated projects with the girls, harvested bounty from our garden with our 5 year old, and created a dinner that made them all exclaim. Later there was a bath, stories, whispers and giggles over what we’ve done and what is yet to come.
We replayed the weekend. The market. The playground. The backyard. The lake. S’mores. A movie. Stories. Cuddles. Focus. Devotion.
I’m genuinely contemplating a change. I want to start steering my impact more. I want relationships that mean more, choices that resonate beyond the moment they are made. I spent the weekend doing little things, things I’d thought about doing for quite some time, my joy was more profound that it’s been in a while.
I am pledging to share those things here. I want to keep myself honest and maybe, just maybe, enlist others to participate in making deliberate choices that yield a greater return.
I hope you’ll stick around.