My life today is so vastly different than I expected it to be and yet, there cannot have been another life for me. These girls, this man, these moments. It isn’t always easy, but we have fun with one another and try to focus on how we improve, rather than how we fail. Right now Finley is upstairs napping, her sisters are at school and I am taking a break from a copywriting project.
Outside the window, amber colored leaves are fluttering down, their flight pulling my eyes away from the monitor. Off to my other side sunlight is pouring through the sliding glass door. Every so often the house creaks, the gentle sound comforts me. Outside those trees that I’ve loved since we first saw this house stand vigil. They remain through every kind of weather; ready to delight us, protect us and remind us of the many blessings we have. Knowing they are there makes me lift my head and smile, feeling, even indoors, the warmth of sunshine upon my face and a breeze nipping at my hair.
I’ve sat in this chair before, wrapped up in confusion and stress, focusing on things that have hurt me. Echoes of words unspoken and others spoken too plainly pelt against me unseen. It’s easy to get sucked into to being hurt or distrustful, it saps all of your energy. I try not to let this happen while the girls are around, keeping my chin up and a twinkle in my eye, but that charade costs even more. Here in this caramelly light of autumn, I am realizing what is permanent and what is simply a passing moment. This chair and this heart can no longer lend space to that sadness. I need to be in these times as they happen, not stalling to be real until after little girls are sleeping.
And so, as we head into another weekend, I am wishing you sweet light and crisp clarity, but most of all, the strength to honor the life that you are living.