We are a few weeks from diving headlong into a kitchen renovation. It will be a small business owner’s mix of paying professionals for their skills and then doing a bit of grunt work ourselves to keep costs down and our pride in check as we can’t seem to feel good about anything with which we didn’t do some of the work. Still, kitchens are expensive no matter how you slice it.
I would love to buy all new appliances as the ones that we have, fairly recently purchased though they are, present daily nightmares. The stove is one of those flat surface, can’t-ever-be-truly-clean abominations. Only one burner truly works and the whizz-bang sensor buttons don’t seem to read a gentle press, so we’re forced to jab at it accusingly, “Why won’t you turn up to 350, damnit, why?”
The refrigerator doors do not close without an emphatic slam, sometimes even just popping back out as if mocking us. The freezer door has had two issues related to a design flaw, which resulted in massive, thick slabs of ice forming in the bottom and trapping errant peas like beetles in amber. The service was covered but came in that universally inconvenient, “a technician will be to your house between the hours of 7am and 2pm. Can you have someone at home during those hours?”
I can handle the fridge because we have, as Sean calls it, the “Hey dimwit, you left the door open again,” alarm. Although truth be told ‘dim wit’ is not exactly the word he uses and technically when it goes off after the girls have left the door open, they are so far out of earshot that it serves no purpose. Still, I can hang. Same goes for the oven/stove because I’ve learned to make one burner meals.
The dishwasher though, that’s an entirely different story. This particular appliance is a magical gateway into things that the kids can do themselves. They can work collaboratively; they can cross something off the list in minutes, except when they run the risk of knives hitting them or glasses falling. And so it is that I unload the dishes and then they put them away. Extra step inefficiencies are my favorite.
I don’t do much video (noted easily by the use of a vertical instead of horizontal frame) and I try not to do much complaining, but this felt like it might have the potential to be a crossover hit, melding frustration, absurdity, and, “Hey, my life is discombobulated like that too!” You can’t see the cracked buttons or the wonky detergent holder, but I think you’ll get the idea.
I feel about dishwashers the way that I do about panty hose, no matter how much I pay, they will disappoint me. My friend Liv swears that a Bosch won’t do this to me. So tell me, are all dishwashers just a complete scam?