Bear with me as I muster the courage to post what I am about to post. I’ve been talking about body quite a bit lately.


My daughters’.

Other women’s.

I inhale the words of other women about their bodies.


I think I do it because so much changes from day to day, but even as I grow wiser and more accepting, the nagging voice, as Rebecca Woolf says, lingers for decades whispering the same cruel refrain of not being good enough. I want to know if others have it, or if I am somehow defective.

This is why I want to post about underwear. They are an every day thing and there is no way to put them on without being naked. How they fit can color my feelings.

If you are a guy and this means nothing to you, I suggest you go and read this post, because it’s beautiful and important, but honestly, in a way it’s kind of about underwear too.

Have you ever slipped on a pair of underwear and spent the rest of the day wondering if you put them on backwards because of how they kept sneaking up in back? It’s one thing if you buy a boy short or a cheeky brief and you know they are going there, but if you grab a regular pair of everyday underwear and they try to play peek-a-boo in that maddening way that has you picking and fidgeting, well, it’s no good

I have found two brands that make underthings that fit—on the cheek and on the waist, no overflow, no riding up and a tank top that doesn’t roll up my torso to my armpits. I understand that we are all shaped differently, but for me, these have been wonderful. I have purchased things, very happily, from both companies and I have also received products as gifts. That being said, I am not being compensated for this post, I just really want to share something that has worked for me, also, both companies were founded by women. Roar!

To break the ice, here I am trying unsuccessfully to capture an image of myself in the tank top. Dazzling photography skills, no? I did it in the kitchen no less. Alas, much to Sean’s chagrin, I do not cook in my skivvies.





Seriously though, Commando, located in beloved Vermont, makes underthings that feel as if they are made of gossamer and confidence. This tank top, which is called the Whisper Weight Tank Top, is divine. It is on the spendy side at $48, but it is more like a favorite bra than a knockabout tank top. I have worn it under dresses, see-through blouses, and cardigans that I  wanted to wear as shirts. It is nearly invisible, doesn’t bind or sneak up, and generally feels slinky and amazing. I have wildly muscular arms and shoulders and the arm holes are large enough; the neckline is just right. Every time I wear it, I genuinely consider it a treat because all day long it stretches against my skin in the most amazing way.





I discovered Commando when my mom sent me a pair of stockings. I have, for as long as I can remember, been unable to wear tights and pantyhose without getting a stomach ache from the pressure on my waist. Now that just about all you can find on the shelves are super, control top, things have only gotten worse. I end up cutting the waist bands and then trimming off what I can so that they don’t create crazy lumps and bumps of shriveled, unraveling material under my dress. It doesn’t work. The pair my mom sent me went right up my waist and sat, no digging, no pinching, no mid-evening tummy ache and bloating. I was SOLD, I had no idea how amazing the underwear would be.

These black underwear defy description. Do you see how pretty they are?


The scalloped front doesn’t roll down, the smooth back does not nip into my 40+ skin and make big lumps. I always though the muffin top thing was a lie, but that and bra band rolls are real things that happen as your skin gets inexplicably looser. I wore these underwear on the flights with Fin to the West Coast. They felt so good, I made sure they were clean for the flight home. It’s a rare pair of underwear that can go with you through three airports as you carry all the luggage and, at times, your 6 year old, a 2.5 hour drive, and that awkward pacing nightmare at the baggage claim without feeling like they ought to be thrown away when you finally get home. These did!

I have talked about Dear Kate products before. As I think back to when I started having my period, the idea that I might have been able to wear underwear intended to take care of the oops factor, makes me excited to share them with my girls. Now, having delivered three babies, the oops factor doesn’t come just once a month. When I first bought my Dear Kate underwear I kept them in a corner of my drawer for certain times of the month, now I understand how comfortable and unbulky they are, I wear them whenever I want to feel a little old school glamour. Is it just me that thinks pale lavender and black seems Marilyn Monroesque?

The night that I took this picture I also happened to be using my Spoonk. I love it so much. Sean says it brings out the fight or flight instinct in him and he doesn’t find it quite as relaxing. It does poke you, which is why you’ll note that I am sucking in my stomach, not to look skinny, it was actually a response to the way the little spikes shifted as I lifted my phone to snap this pic. I really need to enlist Sean’s help next time!

A Spoonk will unknot your tensed muscles as you let yourself melt into the pressure and in that moment when you take it out from behind you and lean back into the sheets, you’ll slip off to sleep with a warm feeling on your back and a whoosh as you exhale in the deepest way.


Dear Kate & Spoonk_copy


At the end of the day (and the beginning) I think we all deserve the little things that make the day easier, make us feel more confident, or, on the low days, help us to not hate ourselves.


Do you have any things that are your secret weapon for feeling good? Will you share them here?