I am discovering that the promises I make to myself are short-lived. The New Year’s resolutions I make for myself fade to forgotten quickly, while resolutions that I make with others tend to endure. The revelations about what matters to me get shaken by run-of-the-mill doubt.
A few years ago I swore I’d incorporate meditation or at least daily intentions. I also thought I’d gotten the hang of embracing, as John Legend sends, my curves and edges and perfect imperfections. Nope.
At least I am not alone, I tell myself. The arrival of Oprah and her campaign to go Beyond the Scale and the epiphanies of women all around that, my god, if Oprah can’t buy it, sustain it, or master it, who can? I’d like to think that I am beyond some of these perfection grabs, that I have somehow achieved a vantage that offers enduring confidence in my own worth, regardless of what I’ve eaten or the luster of my skin.
Yet still I pledge, promise, and swear to do x, y, or z, the significance of each letter varying wildly based on personal and professional circumstances, time of the month, and latest impossible to avoid headlines.
I wish I could follow all of this up with a tidy moral—do this, get that. Feel this, eliminate that. Eat this…
Wait, maybe that’s really it. Eat the idea that we stop wanting things or that we aren’t measuring up; change the promises that we make, not ourselves.
What if we start making promises to ourselves that we can fulfill.
Take a deep breath before you say yes.
Don’t compare yourself to a magazine cover.
Avoid measuring against a benchmark that isn’t yours.
This is such an interesting thing. I haven’t really thought through the differences in follow-through on promises i make to others vs. to myself. Really fascinating. Will be thinking about this for the next several days (and beyond). xox
When I take it a step further and think about the message I send to the girls when I say, once again, “No, I didn’t do that,” followed by an admission of not having enough time or worse, “I couldn’t do that because I needed to do _________” insert errand for the girls. It isn’t their fault I don’t make myself a priority. Gah! Let me know what you come up with, ok? xo
I’m doing a word this year, which I don’t always do. I am working on persistence, with myself. Like you wrote, I do a (decent) job with the commitments I make to others, or if I drop the ball, I try to correct with grace as soon as I can. I am a lot harder on the myself regarding my own “things.” I want to stay with those things this year, and be gentler with myself when I need to course correct at times.
I always admire the way you qualify the timeline of your help when one of us writes to you for help with edits. You never overpraise to us, but you also don’t set aside your life to do it. I am never offended, always grateful xo
I struggle with resolutions every year. In theory, I love the idea of stepping back to evaluate what I want to change. But it only seems to get harder to live up to my unrealistic expectations of myself as I age and get even more set in my ways–both desirable and not. I try, at every turn of the year, to simply focus on being more kind. To not let the negative, overly critical voices in my head dominate my mood or what comes out of my mouth. That alone would be a feat. Yet I relate so much to how even this *one* intention “fades to forgotten” so quickly. Here’s to facing the year ahead together, rough edges and all…xox
Pausing…to try and comment again. The internet ate the thing I said, which was something thoughtful about how it’s much easier for me to keep promises I make to others than to myself. In other words, I agree.