Somehow I thought that in the years of chronicling the ups and downs of parenting, maybe a lesson or two would stick. Perhaps a bit of writing it down would offer up a moment of grace to keep me from utterly screwing things up because I’m in a bad mood. Mostly that doesn’t work, the truth ends up being that as I tally board at the end of the night it comes in at a draw, the screw ups and wins in a dead heat. The other night I was looking through my iPhoto library and was sobered by the absence of photos of Briar. What happened? There’s Ave, there’s Fin, there’s another selfie. Do I not see her? Are pictures of her not as easily sharable…
Posts tagged “Briar”
Night before last I was the last one up to bed. I was typing away down here, putting away the last dishes, and, of course, playing with the kittens. By the time I went up I was bleary eyed and ready to drop. I plunked my phone on the bedside table and then walked down to the bathroom. After washing my face and brushing my teeth I padded down the hall to Fin and Ave. Ave had rolled and tucked deep inside the blankets, a thatch of dark hair covering one eye. I nuzzled her face, brushing the hair aside as I whispered, “Mama loves you.” She stirred, pressing a hand against my face, “Mmmmama.” My eyes crinkled, I pivoted to Finley. She was…
Categories: Mama Sap
The girls didn’t have school today. All of last week and over the weekend, the girls excitedly talked about what they’d learned about Veterans in school and the ways in which they had honored them. I listened and hoped that the conversation wouldn’t take a dark turn. I had read of the passing of Tomas Young and I know from Briar’s chatter about the student news that they watch at school that she is familiar with ISIS. I am sure that in the ways that kids pick up little tidbits, some from lessons, others from eavesdropping, there could be real confusion about war and how it is to be against war but in support of our service people. The tough conversation never came, though…
Categories: Random
Time is doing that thing, that thing that reveals how fast it goes even while some days seem to last for weeks. It isn’t the back-to-school blur or a concentration of deadlines at work, though those are both real and present. It’s the toss of hair and expressiveness of Finley’s eyebrows, her declarations of, “It’s just odd!” followed by a quick scan of the room to see if we all caught how mature she is. It’s Briar slipping quietly into a private realm, emotions and Minecraft, daydreams and song lyrics. The way Avery thrashes in the night, limbs too long for her pjs and shocks of hair that when tucked behind her ear, reveal new hollows in her face. I buck against the…
We were sitting in my living room while the girls sprinted around the house. My mom leaned over to me and whispered, “We took care of the Easter Bunny.” My stomach dropped, I’d completely forgotten. The next sensation was embarrassment, had they handled Easter because they saw that I wasn’t? I searched her face. The “we” tickled at me, confusing me. She hadn’t been out alone with Papa to do a shop. The look on her face was foreign, a little bit of guilt, maybe excitement, and something else, a kind of sympathetic pain, maybe. “Briar,” she said it so softly. The familiar sound rocked me. Briar. I mouthed the word back to her. Briar. She nodded. “We were driving along and she said,…