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Winking at me

Posted on November 26, 2010

It is late November, the holidays are settling over us, murmurs about Santa and letters of gratitude in a child’s determined hand fill the house. The girls are finally asleep, the anticipation of “fay-cajun with us all” having kept them pinging off one another from daybreak to mom-cracking. I’m sitting in the kitchen, avoiding the little things that need to be finished—a pile of glitter, rice and pine needles peeking out from behind the straw bristles of the broom, unmatched socks and washcloths still to be folded—and sipping that forbidden third cup of coffee. Here in the quiet between preparation and execution, I am numb. I have that pre-release tension, wanting so much to have everything set just right before I unclench my mind. I…

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Posted on November 22, 2010

Through my girls and for them— Saturday mornings sitting in honey-colored light with Fin. The way it feels when she places her hands on me. Catching a smile break across Briar’s face. Hearing the laughter that erupts when they romp. Watching Fin “ballereting.” Listening to Briar read. Watching Avery across the yard as she works with Sean. Understanding that they are who matter. Rising to the moment to be worthy of them. Perching on the periphery of childhood. Finding new ways to make them laugh. When I look outward it can be grueling, but a 1/4 turn toward my girls and I am reminded of hope, possibility and the kind of love that anchors in my marrow. And so I turn. And I love.…

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Behind the Scenes

Posted on November 19, 2010

This post may seem a departure, but the work side of me is very much a part of who I am. I cannot fathom not sharing this huge chapter with you. Thank you for indulging me. I remember during the height of my involvement at The Capitol Theatre, there was a shift. The routine of showing up before dawn to meet the truck drivers and staying a few hours shy of 24 hours to smoke the last cigarette as we buttoned up the theatre while the trucks rolled away, was my life. After the battle of asserting that I was more than a chick and more than the daughter of the boss, I was accepted and I excelled. I wore my role as Operations Manager…

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Posted on November 12, 2010

I know that we cannot always live within the light. I mean, if there is light, than there has to be dark, right? I am a sentimental and a romantic and a believer in black and white, so the gray and the dark pummel me, most of the time I respond with an adamant, “No!” Sometimes though, something happens and there is no other way to describe what I am feeling than to say it is sorrow. I just went and checked to be certain that I wasn’t misusing the word: a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others It went on to list lamentation: a passionate expression of grief or sorrow I am steeped…

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