Posts tagged “forgiveness

That isn’t me

Posted on May 4, 2014

I don’t like to think of myself as being susceptible to envy, but I am, in fact I’m really good at feeling envy. I like to think of myself as being accepting and generous, but it’s there, the green eyed monster. In spanish they call it envidia. Isn’t that nice, almost like a name? Envidia. It reminds me of an evil character in one of the loathsome Barbie books that found its way onto our bookshelves. I have often separated my envious side in my mind as being a sort of alter ego. I’m not really envious, I just have moments of being Envidia. Whatever gets you through, right? It turns out that as I travel through 40 I am more ready to see…

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Resolve to Mean it

Posted on December 30, 2013

Each year I welcome the holidays with childlike wonder, soaking up the hope and patience that come to visit. Less than a month later I stow the decorations and vacuum the pine needles in a frenzy to reclaim order. Usually the cleaning blitz extends beyond the decorations as I scour the fridge and go through closets. I know I’m not alone as I watch headlines crop up with tips for a cleaner, healthier, cheaper New Year. Lose weight.              Let go of baggage.                Meditate. Everyone dives in and I think: Maybe I can make a pledge to reform some part of myself. Then the next wave of articles hit with people consumed by…

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Separation Anxiety

Posted on August 9, 2013

The girls have been struggling with a kind of separation anxiety lately. There have been more than 5 announcements of separations/divorce from couples they know over the last year. When it first began it was easy enough to gently explain that sometimes, like with being sisters, you need to get a little space or take a break. They would nod softly, ask if Sean and I were ok, and then move on to the next thing. I was hanging out with Finley one day and she said, “Mom, do I have a step-mom?” I shook my head, looked down at her, and said, “What, babe?” She stopped walking, turned to me, and repeated, “Do I have a stepmom?” I knelt down and said, “No,…

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Between Splinters and Sparkles

Posted on December 27, 2012

I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to flip the calendar from 2011 to 2012. Foolish woman. As I look back on 2012 I realize that there will always be things I’d rather not relive, instincts that I will forever regret not following, but this isn’t college. I can’t replace my threadbare stuffed lion for a broken heart. The chip on my shoulder won’t teach anyone a lesson. The three sets of blue eyes that I catch watching me as I stare mournfully in to space are potent reminders that savoring heartache isn’t a pastime that I can enjoy without explanation. Yet, even as I try to shield the girls from certain details, I am evermore aware that I have to do less protecting and…

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How I am

Posted on October 18, 2012

We’re all bundles of complexity, right? You love scary movies but you won’t go on roller coasters. You are a vegetarian but you wear leather. You buy local, but you shop at Wal Mart. You consider yourself a person of faith, but you don’t attend church. You are pro-choice, but would never have an abortion. Yeah, sh*t just got real, right? Here’s the thing, there has been a whole lot of finger pointing and belief slamming on both sides of the political fence. I think that some of my debate-tirades on twitter have probably falling squarely into the “not-very-open-minded” category. I get that we all get fired up. We can and we should cultivate opinion, because we have the freedom to do so. Other…

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