I had a moment this morning when I felt a twinge of something that shocked me. I think it’s ok, think it’s normal, but its sudden ferocity and piercing intensity stunned me. Briar and Avery had been playing together all morning. There was no of the usual scrapping over toys or boxing out of the preferred seat. It was just two sisters playing, taking turns leading and following and each doing so with a twinkle and a smile.
It was a few moments into the disruption caused by the announcement of nap time. Avery had been railing up in her room, incensed that the fun had to end. Briar was downstairs with me, pacing, torn between helping her sister and escaping a nap herself. She was looking at me when Avery’s voice echoed down the stairs, “Briii-ar!”
We looked at each other. “Briii-ar. Want Briii-ar.”
It reminded me of the moment in The Last Unicorn when, despite her affection for the people she has met, the unicorn must go. I said to Briar, “You can go up and calm her down , but you’ll have to take a nap, or you can stay here.”
“Brii-ar,” traveled down the stairs, followed by mournful sobs, Briar’s body leaned into the call and then she turned to me, “I have to go.” Sean called, “C’mon up, Briar,” and then there was silence. Avery knew Briar was coming and that was enough. I watched Briar’s feet disappear up the stairs, heard them as they picked up speed as she got closer to her room and her sister. I could swear the light shifted, brightened, as Briar went to her.
I sat, an ache catching in my throat and an emptiness chilling me, as someone else offered the Avery the comfort she needed. It was Briar she wanted, her sister, and the sudden awareness of not being something to Avery rocked me. I envied Briar her place in life, Avery’s haven, her light and her constant through a lifetime of joys and sorrows. They are sisters, and though they tangle and clash, they have an inimitable connection. It is something I do not have, but after the shock, there is the peace of knowing that it is something I gave them.
a gift i hope one day to give to the bean. a gift i myself wish i had.
and how lucky for all of you that yet another gift is about to arrive to join in the beautiful sisterhood.
she cleaves to her, because she is mama and daddy all in one.
we all have our special places in life. it's true that briar and avery share something that you can never have with them, but so too do you have a connection with each of them that they will never have with each other. when your third little girl enters the world, there will be times when she will envy briar and avery's connection, too. but she'll form her own, with each and every one of you, just as special.
Oh, I KNOW that feeling! The Baby woke up from a sobbing nightmare and only The Girl could comfort her, me standing around feeling outgrown and rended.
It's precious, ain't it?
My youngest daughter (7) has a special kind of bond like that her big brother (14). He snuggles with her and she gives him a special kind of hug she invented just for him. Not bad for a big brother.
I can imagine how hard that was to feel. But… just keep in mind…when your new little one comes along, it will be so wonderful that Avery can find her comfort in Briar while you're busy.
That's a beautiful one, Amanda. Really, really.
I remember being 2 or 3 and at night when I was scared – I went to my oldest brother. I didn't want my parents, my sister, or my other brother. Had to be my biggest brother. Yes, we all have special people who play special parts. You have indeed given them this gift – it is wonderful they can count on each other as well as Mama and Daddy.
It really doesn't get much better than that. It makes up for all the days squabbles and half of the squabbles the next day.
That is an extraordinary gift, even though it will be hard to let go of that bit of your relationship with her.
And thanks for commenting at my place. I'm beginning to feel so alone on that Hillary front! 🙂
You may not have the inimitable connection, but you gave it to them. That's quite a gift.
It is so sweet that they have a relationship like that. My relationship with my own sister was never like this… I was so pleasantly surprised at the closeness of my boys ~ though not in this nurturing way that Avery has developed with Briar…
So beautiful! Thank you for sharing 🙂 I can see the bittersweetness of it for you… but I hope it's more sweet than bitter.
This is so beautiful. You are so right that they have a gorgeous connection with each other and they are lucky to have that. And you have a special relationship with each of them as well, one that they cannot replicate between them. One that is also beautiful.
that's so sweet…and moving.
oof. that is sweet.
wow. they are so lucky to have each other – and you? luckiest of all to have them both
This gave me chills. Truly.
It's the most wonderful thing in the world. Sometimes I feel like the third wheel, but I'm okay with that.
Aw, and what a wonderful thing to give them. Really, the best thing to hope for between siblings.