Archive for


Posted on April 29, 2009

Tomorrow* is Finley’s first birthday. One year old, I mean really, it shouldn’t sneak up on you. I hear it time and again, “She’s a year? So soon? Whew, that went fast.” I find solace in knowing that it hasn’t just been me, as if others being shocked means that I didn’t check out and miss it. Yet I am stunned, how could I have let the first year of my last baby go so fast. How? She is it. Three and done. No trying for a boy, no maybe just one more. She is it. Fin. fin- (Latin: end, last, limit, boundary, border). ad finem; ad fin. To the end. Ad finem fidelis. Faithful to the end. Ad finem spero. I hope to…

+Read more

Before Shadows

Posted on April 23, 2009

I don’t remember when exactly it happened, but it did. I went from being just me, Amanda, insecure about the oddest things and questing for some sort of non-specific, constantly changing, unattainable perfection– Was it a flatter stomach? Tauter buns? Smoother hair? Whiter teeth? I honestly can’t recall, but in general it came down to: I am not good enough. Then I looked up and realized that I was a mom, and not just a mom, but a mom of a daughter. I had no idea we’d get to three daughters, but even one meant no more bull shit. I never looked back. Sure, I have my days when I am frustrated or slightly envious of some thing or another, but it is not…

+Read more

The Call You Dread

Posted on April 22, 2009

I’ve made no secret about how hard being a working mom can be. It is hard, the not fitting in with stay-at-home moms, not feeling completely comfortable with working-outside-the-home-moms, but there is one thing that helps. A great sitter/nanny. We have a wonderful person who I know loves our girls and is supremely capable. That said, I still get a tiny bit sick of the phone rings or I get an email from her. “Ohomygod, what’s wrong? Are they ok? Did someone get hurt? ShouldIcomehomerightnow?” Seriously, full blown panic. She called today. “Amanda, it’s Erin for you.” Shit. “Hello?” I asked with serious trepidation. “Amanda? I just had to call, I just went upstairs to check on the girls…” Abject terror. “I didn’t see…

+Read more

Here’s One Reason

Posted on April 20, 2009

It might have been for the way he courted me in equal parts swagger, creativity and dogged persistence. It could have been the way he held doors, listened and hung in there. It didn’t hurt that he looked past my vices, the massive chip on my shoulder and my insistence that it wouldn’t work. Or that I knew he would be a wonderful father. But seriously, one of the defining “I knew it” moments was when I listened to a recording of him singing, while flying 3,000 miles away from him. It’s not the same song, but it’s him, always him. Go have a listen.

+Read more