Denise put out a tweet about a post Shash (say it shushy and breathy like Posh) did regarding BlogHer. It was brilliant in its “Let’s-have-a-little-fun-but-offer-some-pearls-at-the-same-time theme.” I pledged to lift the idea and use it here.
The difference with the Primer About Amanda for BlogHer is I am not technically going to BlogHer. I went last year and had an experience I’ll never forget. It wasn’t like Mrs. Flinger’s, but it was incredible. This year I am flying to Chicago, but have no pass to the conference, though I did diligently sign up for the waitlist. I’ll be shacking up in the conference hotel with the sure-to-be-divine Mommentator and the I-bet-she’ll-be-awesomely-fiery Texas Red , this is to say, I’ve never met either of them.
I’ll also be hanging with Mrs. Flinger, I say hanging with, but hanging on may be more appropriate, because while Shash alluded to a certain emotional sitch that might flow through the conference, I’ve got my own. See, as I sit here, I am waiting for the For Sale Sign to go up in our yard. It isn’t a bad thing, we want to sell our house, are looking forward to the next chapter and transitioning from a brilliant first home to a home that will fit our family of five.
We did this three years ago and it was hard. I was pregnant, we had a kitten, a toddler and a growing business. Then we got an offer. Our buyer died. It was heartbreaking, feeling angry and disappointed and then slapping ourselves because, my god, the poor man died out of nowhere.
I am nervous about the reaction to the For Sale Sign and I am anxious about what may happen. This is compounded by heading to BlogHer without a baby or a pass. It leaves me feeling naked, uncertain and compelled beyond my normal 150% determination, to accomplish something.
This is a bit long, let me get right to it.
My house is for sale.
I am traveling without my last nursing baby.
I am unsure of what’s ahead.
I want desperately for it all to coalesce into something that provides more for my family.
I am terrified* and exhilarated** and hopeful***.
My name is Amanda, what’s yours?
*I hate flying.
**I may actually make friends.
***I have, and will continue to, bust my ass for my family’s gain.
I am contemplating going as well with no ticket. I am scared I won't know anyone though and that I will feel awkward and out of place, plus the whole nursing baby with me thing. Have you considered purchasing a Lobbycon ticket?
Well, I'll be there, and we can hug each other and that'll be something won't it?
See now I read posts like this and I wish I had decided to go…but then again I still have 2 of my kids' birthday party, and a baby/toddler who is still nursing (however infrequently)…and then there's the fact that I'm sort of a social misfit (anxiety much?).
So I wish you a great time…and let me know if you ever make it to SE MN.
I love you and am hoping for a big hug at BlogHer. 🙂
Hey, can I come? I'll go as your assistant and bring you drinks with umbrellas in them and make snarky comments on the plane about people's outfits.
I can't wait to meet you.
I know so well the entree that a baby grants – the baby precedes you and you are safe. Baby is also escape, and easy conversation.
Quiet fragility here – on the brink of being publicly alone in a couple of ways. I get it.
I'd meet you at the bar, if I could. We could shore each other up. (I want to go when I grow up…)
you have friends.
See, I contemplated just going and buying a cocktail party pass because last year I had more fun having conversations and drinks than I did in sessions.
But I'm not going. So you can't hug me. I know you're really sad about that. Try to hold it together. 😛
Hope you sale soon
Amanda! I will be there, and would love to meet you in the lobby or the place of coffee or…well, pretty much wherevah.:)
I love the rawness of you acknowledging all of the transitions staring at you, and that you recognize the change swirling as a beginning. I think it's rare for someone to know with such clarity that they're in a maelstrom, and that when the dust settles the landscape will be different. I think that's awesome.
Holla at Blogher! DM, Smoke signals, pull my hair or I'll pull yours. Let's hang out! Lindsay
I'm Amy in Ohio and darn glad to meet you in 48 or so hours or so.
Come to lunch at Dick's, if you wanna! Plenty of room!