My last post was about a time long passed, a period in my youth (am I old enough to say “my youth?” Shit.) I was referring to a time when I let someone speak for me, when a person said something about what I ended or what I was worth and I took it as gospel. None of that was true, I was not less for not daring to go braless in a cut to there tank top to a demolition derby in Yakima. I was not less for driving a crap car or for working in a job that didn’t afford spur of the moment jaunts to (insert whim of the day.)
That time was, but it wasn’t genuine.
Have you ever considered that the things you don’t like aren’t your forever?
That moodiness isn’t your definition.
That a thick waist is not your forever.
That not saying no isn’t all you’re capable of in life.
I have been reflecting on the way that I was before I left Yakima. This is not a judgement against Yakima, rather it’s a statement about the immobility of my views in that time. Once I left I began to liberate myself from the darkness, I distanced myself from one bad decision that kept me in a place that made me acquiesce and do things that rocked me with shame. I no longer smoke. I no longer obliterate free thought with Heineken. I don’t think that I am less than other women because I am me. And yet, that’s where I was once upon a time.
I am a strong, principled woman. I have three daughters, I worship them and am grateful for them every day. I am fun. Fit. Happy. Driven. Untethered by crippling doubt. I am more than I ever thought I could be and know without a shadow of a doubt that I can achieve still more.
I am not anyone less than the person I aspire to be.
Are you holding yourself back? Are you letting someone else stop you? Does yesterday come into play more than is necessary? Maybe you should think about a today that you don’t fear roaring.
Well, if you were any of those things in Yakima, you put on a hell of a front because I didn’t see that at all. I saw a strong woman that I liked and admired. Still do!
Here I was, thinking you weren’t writing anymore when it is really that I can’t work a subscription button.
I love this post, and I love you.
Thank you for this gift. I need to remember this, as I’m now back at work missing my little one and my husband, and I’ve had a tendency lately to let my inadequacies to eclipse my achievements. Need to remember how to roar.
i have things to work on, but i’m doing it 🙂
I ALWAYS enjoy and benefit from your musings.
Dude. I was 2 minutes into the treadmill and felt like giving up, I wasn’t into it tonight. But I jogged and walked and ran hard. Adreninline (I can’t spell this word, WTF) pumping like that soothes my soul. Must remind myself of that. I do wish I could go back 10 years and talk to the old Amy, she wouldn’t have listened though.
You are an awesome writer and I have lots of catching up to do because I had not updated my google reader in ages and did not realize you moved (oops)
“I am not anyone less than the person I aspire to be.” love this!
I almost wish it was someone else stopping me. It’s just little old me and my lack of oomph. I wonder where I put my oomph.
I just found your blog by reading Matt Logelin’s. You write so well. Old is just a word. In reality, we’re all baby at hearts. I know I am.
Inspiring post. I am moved. But really tired, so gonna not move until tomorrow 😉
I was her, too, then. And am so much more rooted in the me, now. Thank you for your post. Beauty.