A few weeks ago I was scheduled to go to a luncheon. That morning as I was getting dressed I slipped on a white bra, then I put on a white tank top to go with the black slacks and grey sweater I had laid out to wear. After scanning how it looked on me, I decided I didn’t like how the tank top looked with my sweater. I quickly shucked the sweater and looked for a different top. I grabbed a black cami with white straps. Perfect. The straps would match my bra straps and the black looked dressier than the white. Grabbing a necklace off my nightstand, I blew myself a kiss* in the mirror and headed into work.
I’d been at work maybe 5 minutes when I realize that in the light of day, my white bra shone through my black cami like an air traffic control spotlight.
It wasn’t this kind of peek-a-boo.
And it wasn’t the black under white.**
And I did have a sweater on, so it was better than this.
This is the closest example.
So, while not explicitly slutty, it was terribly distracting. I was going to dash home, but Sean did some quick arithmetic and suggested I buzz to the mall and buy a black bra.
Quick poll: When dashing to the mall for one specific thing, on a scale of 1 to 10, how slim are your chances of finding that one item?
Don’t answer that, I’ll do it for you. ZERO. You have zero chances of finding what you need. And so it was that I went in with an open mind, seeking anything that would solve that issue of my bra demanding the attention of all who crossed my path. 10 minutes after walking in I walked out with another black tank top. Shoot me, right? The tank covered my straps and was not sheer, so it was a perfect fix. By the time I left it was pouring and I sprinted to the car. My phone rang. I was breathless, I imagined they were calling to see why I wasn’t at the luncheon yet. It was worse than that.
Wrong day. No luncheon.
A few days later I nearly broke my toe.
My questions is, can you tell me again when exactly it is that I will emerge from my awkwardness and barely keeping holding it together and grow into that poised woman who doesn’t grab the wrong bra or sprint into dining room chairs?
It’ll happen soon, right?
*I’m not sure I actually blew myself a kiss, might have been more like a little wink.
**A part of me actually likes the black bra under white tee in certain circumstances.***
***Apparently a part of this child raised in the 70s and 80s still wants to be in a hair band video.
Your turn. Tell me your tale of sitcom woe. Please.
Tagged: Dork
this made me laugh.
aren’t we all awkward? every single one of us?
no?
When you figure out how to become that poised woman (can you hear me laughing from here?) Please clue me in.
On a good note, perhaps the NOT cute shoes you will be wearing as a result of the toe will distract from any future wardrobe malfunctions?
My feet have been hurting (neuropathy is back, and I’m waiting to meet my new acupuncturist – NEXT MONTH) but I wanted to wear my new pencil skirt to my BFF’s surprise birthday party.
I figured how hard could it be to find a sensible pair of flats.
I wasted a day doing it, finally bought a darling pair of patent leather red ones that tore a hole in my heel when I walked Zack to his friend’s house, around the block.
I gave up. I drove up for her party with no pencil skirt, no new shoes, but a sense of humor. I hope.
(Hope the toe feels better fast.)
Last week I went to a playdate at a good friends house. Came home, low and behold my see through bra was not as covered by my off white turtleneck as I thought… and I forgot the extra layer of a cami which I almost always dawn….
Doh.
She said she didn’t notice. I think she was just being nice 🙂
Hope things turn around soon!
Laughing out loud. I’ve broken not one, two, but three toes in the last few years. But my favorite is that I was writing Christmas cards last year and somehow gesticulated (alone in a room – this by itself is already sitcom material) and punctured the nail of one thumb with my pen. It got all black from the ink and then kind of gnarly and stayed there the whole time it took to grow out. I grew tired of explaining my Christmas Card Injury.
Last week while working with one of my preK students, the student suddenly jerked sideways, slamming his skull into the bridge of my nose. I have 2 black eyes and a hugely swollen nose.
The next day, another student fell down in some completely impossible way, turning his entire ear purple.
The day after THAT, one of my parents’ fell down the stairs after picking up her son, nearly breaking her ankle.
So yeah, I think I might belong in a 3 Stooges movie at this point.
Ummmm .. pulling something quick out of the microwave – catching my sleeve on something and tossing my mean into the cat box. Yeah, THAT was graceful. At least it wasn’t jalapeno poppers!
Tossing my meal .. maybe it was a mean meal – or a mean catbox .. but it was MEAL. Sigh-h-h.
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