It started like most days, the thrum of the alarm from my iPhone coming at me from the left, Sean asleep on my right. I swung my legs out of bed as Briar’s alarm called a “be-dee-be-dee-be-dee-dee-dee” answer to my “dee-do-dee” siren.
I padded down the hallway and watched as her hand patted the night stand until her index finger swiped the screen and quieted the alarm. I slipped into bed next to her, “You awake?” I asked. She hooked her arm around my neck and whispered “I love you, mom.” We stayed that way for a few minutes before I told her that I had to shower and she needed to get dressed.
The next ninety minutes were a blur of lunch making, backpack locating, sheet checking, food prepping, and hair detangling. There were tears and snaps, laughter and spills. We missed the bus. Somehow it didn’t feel like a failure. For whatever reason on this particular day I made it through without feeling like I’d failed before 9am. It isn’t always this way.
As I drove to work I had both windows open and the radio on pretty loud; the sky an extraordinary blue today, the kind of sky that makes you feel like anything is possible. I parked the car and walked across the parking lot. When I logged onto my computer I saw that my post on making lunches and crying uncle was up at Scary Mommy. I smiled, grateful that I am finding ways to soften my judgement toward myself. We’re all just making it up as we go, might as well write in empathy.
If you have time, pop over to Scary Mommy and read out about that time I called the BPA-free monster an S.O.B. and realized that good enough isn’t a crime.
Have you lightened up about anything?