Sean and I have a loose agreement that we can euthanize things from one another’s wardrobe. We don’t have to talk about it too much, great detail isn’t necessary. We just have to affect an expression of pain or discomfort, cock a shoulder and say, “You need to not wear that anymore.” Having this agreement has saved us from awkward, “Uh-huh, I love you in that outfit,” lies. Every once in a while though, we are taken aback by a suggestion to add something to the donate pile.
I was most recently on the receiving end. We were on our way somewhere and as we stood in our makeshift mudroom, Sean picked up a pair of sandals.
“You can’t wear these to the office anymore,” he said very emphatically.
“What? Oh, ok. Are they not dressy enough?” I asked.
He snorted. “No, it’s not that. You just can’t wear them anymore.” He looked at me and nodded his head. “Ever.”
“Ok,” I agreed.
“You can replace them,” he said, “But you can’t wear them,” he explained as we walked to the car.
A couple of days later we were sitting at a corner table for two. He grinned at me and then started chuckling. “Do you appreciate me?” he asked with the most satisfied and impish look on his face.
“Yes, of course,” I said as he looked into space chortling.
“What?” I asked.
“No, seriously, what? Why are you laughing?” I asked.
“The sandals. Aren’t you grateful?”
I sat up and leaned toward him. “Wait a minute, are you laughing about the sandals?” He nodded. “And you want me to thank you?” He nodded and laughed more.
“No, you don’t get to eliminate them from my closet AND have me laugh with you about it. What is it they do to me anyway?”
He sat up looking a little more serious. “Never mind, it’s ok.”
“Ok, I can wear them or ok I don’t have to appreciate you for them?” He could barely keep a straight face as I waited for an answer.
“You really want to know?” he asked. It was my turn to nod.
He grimaced in a way that was half-smile and said, “Ok, you can’t because you look like something out of Portlandia in them.”
Yup, that’s my marriage, loving Portlandia jabs. Sean and I are going to continue writing our #marriedwithopinions posts. To celebrate giving the voice(s) of marriage a place to be heard, I am doing a little giveaway in exchange for your stories. We’ll call it the the hope set.
Second, a custom Magee sign with the word of your choice. Pick from laser-cut, metal letters, hand-hewn wood letters, hand-painted, or a combination of the three with the word of your choice. We’ll put it on a funky piece of wood and ship it to you.
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Leave me a “One time my partner said” story in the comments.
Next Saturday Sean and I will read your stories and we’ll send the author of the most cringe-worthy or laughter inducing story a sign and the luscious One Rainy Wish Candle.
Can’t wait to hear your stories!