To the designers, producers and retailers of stuff for kids,

I wanted to offer up a couple of tools for further honing of your gross negligence and unacceptable and unapologetic finger-pointing and cries of “wasn’t me!”

My daughter, Avery. See her? Isn’t she cute? Doesn’t she look sweet and innocent? Don’t you just want to harm her? I mean really harm her, just when her parents think she’s safe? Oh, the victory in that, almost like shooting fish in a barrel.

Click on the picture, make it bigger. Go ahead, force a dropper full of lead in her mouth, she won’t fight you. Certainly not if it’s in the form of a chirpy, gaily colored little duck watering can. Oooh, and if that doesn’t work, I am sure you can find more chewable, suckable ways of getting her to ingest your plentiful poisons. “You want Boots, honey? No, why don’t you suck on daddy’s steel toed work boots from the construction sight? Mommy knows horses poop there, but it’s ok, better than a Boots doll.”

And here’s my other daughter. Her name is Briar.

She couldn’t wait to unwrap Tanner and make him poop. I praised her for picking a treat that came with not one, but two toys. Little did I know that there was a third toy in the form of a deadly magnet. “Yeah, Briar, great job! Let me pay for that right away!”

See, I thought this way, having their faces right there, it might be easier to figure out ways to swindle parents and harm little ones. Maybe those pictures aren’t compelling enough. How about this:

It’s Briar again. I know you can’t really see her face, but look closer. See it? It’s her dad leaning in as he weeps with joy, and behind him? That’s my sister, Abbie, Briar’s aunt. She’s not usually too mushy, but Briar got her. Oh, how we each wept.

And here’s Ave again, just after they handed her to me. Another natural childbirth, delivering a kind of joy and pain unlike anything you could ever imagine.

Doesn’t that just get you going, make you want to do better? Shoot higher? Drive you to figure out just how to start sooner, when they’re even more vulnerable. Bottle nipples coated with some sort of toxin that ravages the nerves? Hmm, does that have any sort of a ring to it for you?

I’m just trying to help you on what is clearly a deliberate mission to to do anything but consider the end-users of your blighted products.