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Inextricably Linked

Posted on August 27, 2010

It would be so easy if emotions could be compartmentalized, if I could allow how I feel about one area of my life to not influence things in other areas. I’ve used this space for so many things, it has has been a place to chronicle parenthood, to mark the passage of time, to quest, rail and reflect. I am working hard to traverse the ever-changing landscape of working and parenting. I thought three was different when I couldn’t manage a trip solo in those first months after Finley was born. Ha! 1st grade. Pre-school. Pre-pre-school. Bus. Car. Office. Memberships. Committees. Bands. This doesn’t even touch on health. Granted, I am still recovering, my energy slowly, so freaking slowly, inching its way up. I…

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Thrice Loved

Posted on August 26, 2010

I love you all and am changed by you. Am better for having known you. But, oh, Fin, how you have amplified, enriched and heightened every thing we do and feel. You follow a different beat, you do. Row row row your boat, dropping down the street, mammary, mammary, mammary, mammary life is butts and dreams.

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The truth is—

Posted on August 19, 2010

The truth is— …there is time. …you should say it. …you do deserve it. …no, it isn’t fair. …your current approach isn’t going to change it. …moving on moves you forward. …they only win if you insist on defeat. …I am glad you are here. …you can— (Finish it for me)

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Fix You*

Posted on August 14, 2010

It hit me shortly after dinner, a fast-moving veil enveloping my head and turning heavy and dark instantly, accompanied by a throbbing that sent piercing daggers of pain to my left ear and behind my right eye. A cold. I was annoyed, but if the last month has taught me anything itis that sometimes giving in from the start is more effective than putting up a fight against the inevitable. I trudged up to bed feeling sorry for myself. The night brought the usual interruptions—a night terror for Briar, trip to the bathroom from Ave and the molar-growing mews that have had Fin in our bed every night this summer. Each time I tapped Sean’s shoulder and pled for him to go. He did,…

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Decisions

Posted on August 13, 2010

Last night I watched Finley fall asleep. I traced her hairline and kissed the palm of her hand as her eyelids flutter. Closed. Open. Closed. Closed, then open for one last peek, and asleep. I inhaled the peace, the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the feather soft touch of her breath passing her lips. This morning I listened. I was calm and quiet, allowing the words to hit my ears even when I didn’t want to hear them. I waited to answer, said no cutting words and found peace on the other side. This afternoon I stood, though my legs trembled and my voice hid. I didn’t rush or skip, I said every word, made eye contact and let the enormity…

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