I remember watching the adventures of the attendees of BlogHer 2007 from a distance. I had not said out loud that I wanted to go, which was unfair because when I did it was too late. I robbed Sean of the chance to support me and I robbed myself of the permission to quest. Since then I have attended at least 4 BlogHer conferences and today I am sitting at the Mom2.0 Summit.
This time is sacred, not for the mind-boggling accommodations at The Ritz or the incredible programming, or the bubbly people eager to talk about their brands; for me it is sacred because it represents a yes from my family, my business partners, and myself. I am here and not there, though anyone who has seen me face-timing, cooing at bunnies to snap pictures and send them to the girls, or running my hand along my purse borrowed from Briar, you can see I am also there.
One of the themes I have heard several times here is that all of us need to find ways to scoot all the things in our life away just a touch, “I love you and right now I am taking care of me” (thanks Jessica!) The to-dos and the shoulds, the have-tos and the but-you-promiseds. It is essential that we have time, whether it is to write, to play guitar, to dance, or to wonder.
I am aware of each minute here and like a drop of water, they seem to roll about, changing color and threatening to burst. There is sadness and joy in each one, and I accept and honor that duality, because that is what life and writing are for me. Being here, invisibly flanked by my family and palpably cloaked in my longing to have time and be a template for a fully realized life to my girls, is very special to me.
Whatever happens tonight with the awards will not take away from the absolute clarity of time and offered, received, and honored vulnerability.